Old man Jokes - page 75

New Zealand Lover

This is an excerpt from a Mulls & Boot story, set in the South Island of New Zealand. WARNING, this is steamy stuff. You either need to read this curled-up on a sofa with an exotic drink or with a cold shower close-by………. We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon.The warm breeze was full of that earthy musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet…

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Powerful Liquid

A boy was sitting on his front steps one day, holding a bottle of turpentine. His father had told him to stay away from it, that it was Powerful liquid. He couldn’t resist and had experimented with it all afternoon. The boy was deep in thought, when on the sidewalk, a Priest happened to be walking by. “What do you have there, son?” the priest asked. The boy replied, “I got the most powerful liquid in the world in this…

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Speeding Senior Citizen…..

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some actually join in… one day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and a man stepped out with his arm stretched out… “Stop!” he said in…

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Males Strike Back!!!!!!!!!!!

**How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it! **Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you! **Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink! **How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?…

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Who Listens to People?!

A church had a man in the choir who couldn’t sing. Several people hinted to him that he could better serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. “You’ve GOT to get that man out of my choir,” he said. “If you don’t, I’m going to resign. He sings very loudly and off-key! We practice and practice, and he ruins all our presentations. The other choir…

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A Snowy Day

A gentleman in a very cold downtown New York City was walking down the sidewalk when suddenly, he saw a policeman standing in snow up to his shoulders. He looked at the policeman with a puzzled look and asked him, “Aren’t you cold?” The policeman said proudly,”Not as cold as my horse!”

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very sick horse

Once there was a man named Bob he owned a great big farm. He had lots of animals like pigs, chickens, horses and cows. But then one day one of his horses became constipated so he went to the vet and the doctor gave him some big pills and a pipe. The doctor instructed him to put a pill in the pipe, stick the pipe up the horse’s ass and blow as hard as he could. Bob went home and…

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Little Johnny In Church

Little Johnny was in church with his mom and dad. This Sunday they happened to be sitting behind a woman whose dress was full of static electricity. When she stood up to sing the next hymn, her dress got stuck in the crack of her butt. Little Johnny, being very naughty, reached out and grabbed her dress and pulled it out of her crack. “JOHNNY!” cried his mother, “Don’t ever do that again!” The woman in the dress was also…

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Gorilla in a Tree

A guy wakes up one morning and notices a gorilla sitting in the tree outside his bedroom window. He starts to panic, wondering what he should do. Eventually he decides to phone the local zoo. “Great,” says the zookeeper. “We’ve been looking for that gorilla everywhere. We’ll send a team over right away.” After ten minutes a van pulls up and out gets a zookeeper, holding a shotgun, followed by a small terrier. “How do you expect to catch the…

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Screw Chainletters

Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…

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