Old man Jokes - page 45

City Slicker

This guy decides to leave the city and become a farmer, so he sold all his possesions and bought a farm. Upon arriving he thought he would need a few animals, so on foot he takes out walking and comes upon a sign that says chickens for sale, so he goes and talks to the farmer. “Well, son, around here, we call them pullets.” So he says, “Give me one.” He goes on until he sees a sign that says…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeCity Slicker

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Plez compleet the follwin best ya can: Name: (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-George (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson Last Name: (If unsure of spelling, write it out the way it sounds) (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Second Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Second Mistress’s Name: __________________________ Number of times you have…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Piss Head

A man is in a bar and he walks up to the bar and says to the bartender “I’ll bet you $50 that I could piss into that shot glass blind folded”. The bartender thought that this was an easy way to pick up some money so he agreed. He got out the glass and a blindfold and the man stood on the bar to pee. Naturally, the man didn’t get his piss into the glass but all over the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokePiss Head

Hell’s not so bad

A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeHell’s not so bad

Father Knows Best

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, “You say you’ve been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?” The wife replies, “It’s my husband — he’s driving me crazy! I’m going to leave him if he continues!” “How does he drive you crazy?” “For 20 years,” she says, “he’s been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he’s always looking at the…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeFather Knows Best

On the Job

Medical Student I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeOn the Job

How I Did It

A young lady had just visited her doctor, and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share her good news with someone. The farmer sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. “Sir,” she said, “I just received the best news…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeHow I Did It

The Nursing Home

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Nursing Home

Piccolo Player

One day a farmer caught a traveling salesman making love to his youngest daughter. Yelling “You son of a bitch!” he shot the amorous salesman in the groin with a .12-gauge shotgun. The screaming salesman quickly took off for town to find a doctor. He found one, but the physician took one look at the man’s dick and told him that nothing could be done for him. “Oh, please do something,” begged the salesman. “I’m a rich man and can…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokePiccolo Player

Heaven!!

Two men were talking about their lives one day, while driving to a boat show. One of the men was single, and the other was married with two children. They crashed into an incoming 18- wheeler and died on impact. When they went to heaven’s waiting room, Peter told the single man he was not allowed in heaven, but let the married man in. The single guy, frustrated and mad, asked Peter why he let the married man in but…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeHeaven!!