Ok men Jokes - page 5

Three Men in an Airplane

Three men are on an airplane, flying over the ocean. The aircraft is in trouble, and the captain soon comes on over the intercom and says, “Folks, we’re having some serious problems here. I want everyone to assume crash position.” The first guy, after hearing this, he stands up and starts taking off all his clothes. His two friends see this, and say, “Hey! What are you doing that for?” and the man replies, “I’m not a very good swimmer,…

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Now That You’ve Mentioned It …

Mr. Jones, returning from a business trip, was surprised to find his wife in bed with a strange man. Both were nude and looked like they had been doing a lot of hard screwing. “Why, you rotten bastard!” the husband exploded with rage as he grabbed his wife’s lover by the neck. “Wait darling,” said Mrs. Jones. “You know that fur coat I got last winter? This man gave it to me. Remember the diamond necklace you like so much?…

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A Hallmark Moment

At the card shop, a woman was spending a long time looking at the cards and shaking her head each time, muttering, “No.” A clerk finally came over and asked, “And how may I help you?” “I just don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”

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bunch of jokes

What did the priest say when he saw mosquitoes in church? Let us spray. Why did the witches stop work? Because they needed to rest a spell. Why are people fatter In the morrning? They are WIDE awake. What shape is an empty parrot cage? A polygon What would a lawyer do if his wife pushes him down the tollet? Sewer Where do you buy rude T-shirts? The menSWEAR department What type of cowboy lends money? A lone (loan) ranger…

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Kiwi Joke

Two Kiwi’s are working on a building site in Auckland. Phul (Phil) & Muck (Mick). Anyway Phul turns to Muck & says, “Cawww I’ve gotta take a piss, but there’s nowhere to go, eh.” “Walk out to the ind of thit plank,” replies Muck. “I’ll stand on this ind & balance ut.” “Are you sure, Muck?” “Yis, no worries” “100%?” “YIS!” So out goes Phul to take a piss & the lunch siren sounds, Muck forgets what he’s supposed to…

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Interactive Viagra joke

Today’s joke is interactive and requires the use of Microsoft Word 97. 1) Go into Microsoft Word 97. Create a new sheet. 2) On the sheet, type the words “unable to find my Viagra” 3) Highlight the entire line you typed in. 4) Go to your menu bar. 5) Select Tools, Thesaurus. (Sometimes it is Tools, Language, Thesaurus) 6) Look what it says.

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THE MEN’S ROOM…

EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. CROSSEYES: Looks into next urinal to see how other guy is hung. TIMID: Cannot piss if someone is wastching, flushes urinal, comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down, and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. WORRIED:…

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Women are from Venus?

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here is a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller. __________________________________ In-class Assignment for Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a…

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Dogs and Men

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME 1. Both take up too much space on the bed. 2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. 3. Both mark their territory. 4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them. 5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. 6. Neither does any dishes. 7. Both fart shamelessly. 8. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. 9. Both like dominance games. 10. Both are suspicious of the postman. 11. Neither…

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A Better Chain Letter for Women

This letter was started by a woman like yourself in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five friends who are equally frustrated, then bundle up your husband or boyfriend, and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your name…

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