No men Jokes - page 64

Small-town Newspaper

A young reporter for a small-town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor: “Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts.” The editor scolded the new reporter, saying, “This is a family paper. We don’t use words like ‘breasts’ around here. Now go back and write something more appropriate.” The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally,…

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On Second Thought

A young gay man calls up his mother to tell her that he is giving up being gay as he has met the woman who, he believes, is his soul mate. In fact he says, “We are so much in love that we plan to get married next month! That’s why I called you. I’m sure you will be happy to know that I have turned my back on the gay lifestyle.” “I am very happy indeed,” says his mother.…

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Half a Viagra

Two men were sitting on a park bench having a conversation. “You know,” the first man said to the other, “I only need to take half of a Viagra”. “Half of a Viagra?” the second man asked, “Why only half a Viagra?” The first man replied, “It’s not that I am really interested in sex. It’s just that I was tired of peeing on my shoes!”

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A Phallic Symbol

The young lady was nodding her head at what the psychiatrist was telling her, and said, “Yes, I see, Dr. Schmidt. At least, I see everything but one point. The one thing I’m hazy about is this phallic symbol you mentioned. What’s a phallic symbol?” “A phallic symbol,” said the psychiatrist, “is anything that can be used to represent or symbolize a phallus.” “But what’s a phallus, doctor?” The psychiatrist said, “I think I can explain that most clearly by…

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A Vocabulary Lesson

arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug, n: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. bozone, n: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down at any time in the future. cashtration, n: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject…

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Heaven!!

Two men were talking about their lives one day, while driving to a boat show. One of the men was single, and the other was married with two children. They crashed into an incoming 18- wheeler and died on impact. When they went to heaven’s waiting room, Peter told the single man he was not allowed in heaven, but let the married man in. The single guy, frustrated and mad, asked Peter why he let the married man in but…

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Special High Intensity Training

Subject: SPECIAL TRAINING TO: All Employees From: Management Subject: Special High Intensity Training In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be…

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virgin islands

Bill Clinton arrived Friday in the Virgin Islands to deliver a speech. That’s not all he delivered. After he left Monday morning, the government had to change the name of the place.

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Court Case

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The defendant smiled.…

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Read JokeCourt Case