Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A soldier, filled with obvious triumph, returned from his twenty-four hour pass and was besieged by his buddies who wanted to know, in detail, how he had made out. The soldier, nothing loath, said gleefully, “What a piece of fuckin’ luck I had. I hadn’t been off camp more than half an hour when I met this fuckin’ broad and she was STACKED! We got to talking and I took her out for some fuckin’ hamburgers. Then we went to…
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On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum. Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping. On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 2,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.…
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Two elderly men are out driving in a large car, and both can barely see over the dashboard. As they are cruising along they come to an intersection. The stoplight is red but they just go sailing on through. The man in the passenger seat thinks to himself, “I must be losing my mind. I swear we just went through a red light.” They come to another intersection and the light is red again, but again they go right through.…
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Notice Of Increase In Tax Payments To All Male Taxpayers Gentlemen: The only thing the government has not yet taxed is your “PECKER.” Mainly because 98% of the time your pecker is out of work and the 2% it is in the hole. Moreover, it has two dependents who are both nuts. Accordingly, beginning on April 1 of this year, your pecker will be taxed according to its size. Use the Pecker-Checker scale listed below to determine your tax. Please…
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A financial magnate was on his death bed. He was under an Oxygen tent. At his side stood his loyal subordinate, tears streaming down his face. “Do not grieve,” whispered the expiring tycoon, with considerable effort. “I want you to know that I appreciate your faithful services to me over the years. I am leaving you my money, my plane, my estates, my yacht… everything I have.” “Thank you sir” cried the subordinate. “You have always been so good to…
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APPLICATION FOR ARKANSAS DRIVERS LICENSE Last name: __________________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician Spouse’s Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse’s Name: _______________________ 3rd Spouse’s…
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SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered. CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report! NUMBER ONE: Sir! We’re picking up loud music. CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep! NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it’s “The Last Train to Clarksville.” CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured? NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction. CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on. NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness… darkness… Wait, there’s a woman sleeping there.…
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One day a man walks up to a beautiful woman working in a library. “I’ll bet you three hundred dollars that by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone” The woman is completely shocked and doesn’t know what to say. “I’m completely serious,” he says as he puts an envelope full of money on the counter “by this time tomorrow your nipples will be gone. You won’t see me until tomorrow and i will not attack you and slice…
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The other day I went into the local religious book store where I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots…
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When WOMEN say…… Yes = No No = Yes I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want… It’s your decision = The decision I want you to make should be obvious to you by now. Do whatever you want = You’ll pay for it later. We need to talk = I need to complain. Sure, go ahead = You better not if you know what’s good for you. I’m NOT upset = Of course I’m upset, you…
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