Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, “FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F*CK-UP!” For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he’d been about to draw his gun. He couldn’t have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and…
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A transcript from the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute: Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press…
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A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his cola, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep, then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind,…
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Man walks into a bar. This man is carring a big, black, briefcase type of bag. He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. He removes a thimble from his pocket, pours a little of his drink in this thimble, and puts the thimble inside the bag. Bartender gets a little nosey, and asks what’s in the bag. Man holds up his finger as if to say “wait”, and begins to open the case at the top. He…
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This letter was started by a woman like yourself in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five friends who are equally frustrated, then bundle up your husband or boyfriend, and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your name…
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1. A guitar has a volume knob. 2. If you break a guitar’s G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one. 3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want to. 4. You can unplug a guitar. 5. You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining. 6. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset. 7. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested. 8. You can have…
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One day there were 3 old men sitting around in a retirement home.There was a 70 year old,an 80 year old, and a 90 year old. The 70 year old said,”I wish I could take a healthy piss again.” Then the 80 year old said,”I can take a healthy piss, but I wish I could take a healthy shit again.” Then the 90 year old said,”I take a healthy piss around 9:00 am, and a healthy shit around 11:00 am,…
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More Things You’d Never Have Known If Not For the Movies: If you overpower a sentry or guard, his uniform will fit you perfectly. It is possible to brush your teeth without any toothpaste foam appearing on your lips. Handsome men don’t belch or fart. If you’re a team of misfits and losers, you’ll win the championship. In a large city, the streets are always wet at night. Most bathrooms do not have a toilet. All orphans can sing and…
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There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where Saint Peter met them and asked, “What would each of you like to hear your relatives or friends say at your funeral?” The first man answered, “I am a renowned doctor and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving someone’s life and gave them a second chance.” The second man replied, “I am a family man and a school teacher, I…
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3 women escaped from prison, a blonde, brunette, and a red head. They sneak into a hayloft for the night. The brunette finds three gunny sacks and the girls put them over themselves. The sheriff comes to the hayloft and tells the deputy to go check it out. He finds the three gunny sacks on the floor and wants to know what is in them. He kicks the first one, the brunette and she quickly says, “bow wow”. So the…
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