Nice thing Jokes - page 4

Good advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…

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Read JokeGood advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

Little Johnny and Susie

Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.” Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you…

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Siamese Twins

One sunny Tuesday afternoon, in a bar in Normandy, France, a Barman notices two guys sitting in the corner leaning on each other. The Barman, feelng a bit homophobic, goes over to these two and says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept gay people in this bar! There is a lovely gay bar down the road if you are interested!” The couple look angry and one replies, “I’m sorry to tell you, but we are not gay! We are in…

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THE CURE

Frank has been feeling poorly lately…depressed, stressed, nervous, argumentative. His wife Estelle, who is by now pretty stressed out herself, finally persuades him to make an appointment with their family doctor, to which she accompanies him. After the physical, while Frank is getting dressed again in the examination room, the doctor takes Estelle into his office. “Mrs. Johnson,” says the doctor, “I’m afraid Frank’s stress has affected his heart and blood pressure. I think we have to be prepared to…

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Billy the Clint

Billy The Clint. Remake of and inspired by one of the previous JOWs called “Billy the Kid” Young Billy wanted to be the best, quickest lover in the World, and when he spotted Casanova having a beer in a bar, he asked if he could have a word with him. “Sure, son, what’s on your mind?” asks Giacomo, looking up at the young man. “Sir, I want to be the best and quickest lover there is, and I’d be in…

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Adam and Eve– The poem

In the garden of eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve without any clothes. In this garden, were 2 little leaves, One covered Adam’s and One covered Eve’s. As the story goes on Nevertheless to say, The wind came along And blew the leaves away. At the sight Adam did stare There was Eves treasure All covered with hair. And wonder came, under Eves eyes, as Adam’s thing started to rise. They found a spot, that suited them best,…

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Murphy’s Laws Of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…

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The Halloween Party

A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping for an hour, awakened feeling much better so she decided to go to the party. Since her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was…

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Guyness Quiz

Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…

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Save Me, Sister!

Two miliary policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from the military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree quietly reading a book. He said to her, “Quick Sister, please hide me. I don’t want to be drafted, and the M.P.’s are chasing me!” She lifted up her skirt and said, “Quick! Hide under here.” The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen…

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