Mouth to mouth Jokes - page 14

GATOR WRASSLIN’

In the everglades of Florida, there is an alligator wrestling demonstration going on. The guy is doing his thing with the alligator, the normal stuff you would see like opening the gator’s mouth and placing his inside, putting the gator in a headlock, flipping the gator, etc… Once he is done with this, he turns to the crowd and drops his pants and his underwear. He then reaches into a small wading pool next to him and pulls out a…

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Airline Anecdotes

I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…

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Stupid Car Accident Excuses

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all…

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Administrator

An old lady was about to get married, but she had a secret she didn’t want her future husband to know. So she decided to write a letter to a newspaper. “Dear Shundai,” she wrote, “Bean might not marry me if he finds I have bad teeth. How can I keep my secret from him?” In a few days, the answer appeared in the newspaper: “Keep your mouth shut”

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Trick Or Treat

Top 10 things that sound dirty but aren’t on Halloween… 10. She’s a goblin! 9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack tonight. 8. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head. 7. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch 6. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer. 5. Let me see your big sack! 4. Can I eat your Zagnuts? 3. Have your mom check it before you put…

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Little Johnny Versus The Streetwalkers

On his way home from school, Little Johnny always passed by a street corner where a group of prostitutes would be standing around. These streetwalkers would smile and wave their pinkies at Little Johnny while greeting him, “Hello there, cute little boy!” This went on for several days until Little Johnny decided to confront the prostitutes. He asked, “Why do you keep waving your pinkies at me?” The prostitutes laughed out loud and one of them said, “Oh, we were…

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A Teacher’s Taste Test

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these,” announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of…

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Tomorrow Will Be Fine

A man enters a Barber Shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.” The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks…

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Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

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2 Italians on a Bus

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one last-a time.” “You foul mouthed swine!” said the lady…

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