Moth Jokes - page 20

Sperm Bank & empty jar

A man walks into a sperm bank and says, “I’d like to make a donation. So the lady at the front desk hands him a jar and says, “Here , fill it up and bring it back in a week.” The man says “OK, see you then,” and leaves. When he comes back in a week he hands the woman the empty jar and says, “I tried it with left hand, I tried it with my right hand, my wife…

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The Nursing Home

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again…

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More things men will NEVER say…..

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker. 2. No I don’t want another beer. I have to work tomorrow. 3. Her tits are just too big. 4. Sometimes I just want to be held. 5. That chick on “20/20” gives me a woody. 6. Sure! I’d LOVE to wear a condom. 7. We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse. 8. Screw Monday Night Football; let’s watch “Ally McBeal”.…

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MAD stupid jokes!

Your momma is so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person. Your so stupid, you think Federal Express is a branch of the government. Your father is so dumb, he went to an LA Clippers game to get a haircut. Your mother is so stupid, she thinks Olde Engkish 800 is a college course. Your mother is so stupid, she tired to drown herself in a car pool. your mother is so stupid, she put your brother in…

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Read JokeMAD stupid jokes!

My thoughts, from my mind….

If your goal in life is to do as little as possible, and you get away with that…does that make you successful? If love is blind and marriage is an institution, does that mean that marriage is an institution for the blind? If you can buy more memory for your computer…why can’t people? What does an imperfect stranger look like? The term “free gift” never made sense to me…has anybody ever said to you…”I bought you a gift, now that…

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If Granny visits…..

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.” The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear?” she asked. The little boy replied, “I heard Daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again.”

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New Barbie Dolls for Christmas 1999

Now that Barbie is nearing 40, we’ve created new dolls that more realistically reflect her current life-style. 1. Bifocals Barbie: Includes her own set of blended lens fashion frames in 6 wild colors. Includes neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. 2. Hot Flash Barbie: Press Barbie’s bellybutton and see her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead and upper lip. Complete with tiny tissues. 3. Facial Hair Barbie:…

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Baby Pictures

Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting…

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Cultural Differences

There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman 2 New Zealand men and 1 New…

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Pregnant Turkey

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister was, Mom decided to play a trick on her. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and sent her for it. While she was gone, my mom took the turkey out of the oven un-stuffed it, re-stuffed it with a Cornish game hen, put the stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back…

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