Mornin Jokes - page 20

Memory Loss

The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. “You’ve got to help me, Doctor. I’m losing my memory,” he sobbed. “I once had a successful business, a wife, home and family. I was a respected member of the community. But all that’s gone now. Since my memory began failing, I’ve lost the business–I couldn’t remember my client’s names. My wife and children have left me, too. And why shouldn’t they–some…

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Soap Opera

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times! ——————- Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are…

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3 HOLES

A man walks in the bar and has had way too much to drink. He decides to go to the bathroom and when he walks in there is another man and there are three holes in the wall. Above the three holes there are three buttons. The other man in the bathroom says don’t ever stick your dick in any of the holes. The man thinks he is lyng so he does it anyway. He sticks his dick in the…

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Milk does a Body Good!!

There was once a little boy who worked for a farmer as a field hand. One night the farmer told the little boy to wake bright and early to fetch some milk for his family’s breakfast. Early the next morning the boy head out to the field to milk the cows before the farmer awoke. Time went by and time went by, it was getting very close to noon, when the little boy finally walked in with his bucket. The…

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New Year’s Resolutions

An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile was cherubic. “This is a very special coffeecake,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this…

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The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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What a Deal!

Two golfers were getting ready to tee off one morning and one says to the other: “Hey! I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife!” To which the other golfer exclaims: “Wow!! Now THAT’S what I call a TRADE!!”

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Why…

Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the…

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Would You Believe?

A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no,that’s not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine. On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebie…

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Electrician’s Job

A boy was under foot all morning while his mother was trying to clean the house. She tells her son to go across the street where they are building a house to see if he might learn something. A few hours later the boy returns home, the mother asks, “What did you learn?” He replies, “Well, you hand the damn door up there and it doesn’t fit, of course. So you take it down and trim a cunt hair off…

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