Mom Jokes - page 31

Can It Get More Embarrassing Than This?

The following are two of the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest: “While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said…

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Read JokeCan It Get More Embarrassing Than This?

Little Johnny and Organs

“Good morning class! Today we are learning about human organs that come in pairs,” says the teacher. “For example, our eyes are organs and we have two, now give me some more examples. Let’s start with Linda.” “Ears!” says Linda excitedly. “Very good,” replies the teacher. “Michael?” “Balls,” replies Michael The teacher is a little surprised by Michael’s crudeness, but accepts his answer. “Yes, little Johnny?” “The penis,” says little Johnny. “Hey wait a minute, we only have one penis!”…

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toughest dad

Little Billy and Johnnie were arguing in school about who had the toughest Dad. Billy said his Dad was the toughest, but Johnnie said his Dad was tougher, cause he could eat light bulbs. Billy said, “How do you know your Dad eats light bulbs?” Johnnie said, “‘Cause I had to use the bathroom one night, and as I passed my mom and dad’s room, I heard Dad tell Mom…”CUT THE LIGHT OUT AND I WILL EAT IT…”

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Religious Garbage Man

A little girl came running into the house and said, “Mommy, I met the most wonderful man this morning. He was the garbage man, and he was carrying a big bag over his head, and it broke and went all over him. And, you know, Mommy, he just stood there and talked to his mother, his son, and God.”

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Read JokeReligious Garbage Man

Little Girl’s Lesson

It was a beautiful spring day as the mother and her 5 year old daughter strolled, hand-in-hand down the country lane…they picked wild flowers, watched the butterflies, and generally enjoyed their walk together. Soon, they came upon a pasture where a pair a horses were in the process of “mating”…the little girl stopped and pointed…”Mommy, what are those horseys doing?” she asked. Her mother was very embarrased, but she thought quickly… “Well,” she told her young daughter, “The horse on…

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Read JokeLittle Girl’s Lesson

Lil’ Polar Bear

Lil’ polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom am I 100% pure Polar Bear?” Mother Bear says, “Why yes, son, you are! If you do not believe me, go ask your Pops.” So the lil’ polar bear goes to Pops and asks, “Pops, am I 100% pure polar bear?” The father answers, “Well let’s see… my mom and Pop were both pure Polar Bears, so were your grandparents on your mom’s side and both your mom and I…

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A New Career?

A very well-built young blond was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. “I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.” The shrink thought for a moment and said, “Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?” The girl thinks about…

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Read JokeA New Career?