Men women Jokes - page 13

For you smart people. . . .

These three guys were walking along the beach, chatting it up, when they hear calls for help from two young women caught in the riptide. The first guy comes running up, screaming “I’ll save you!” He jumps in the water, swims out, and comes back with one arm missing. His friends look stunned, so he explains, “Sharks.” The second guy, feeling superior, says, “I’ll go save them!” and jumps in. He comes back and he’s missing a leg. Before either…

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Husband Tracking

Two women were in a hair salon talking about their lives at home when the subject of flighty husbands came up. “It’s unbelievable,” one woman says. “I can never figure out where he goes at night.” “I know exactly what you mean,” says the other woman. “One second he’s in the house, and the next he’s gone without a trace.” “Well,” says a woman eavesdropping nearby. “I always know where my husband is.” “How do you manage that?” the other…

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Baby Talk

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they begin to get ready for bed but the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife in the bathroom, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.” As the woman crosses her room to the husband, she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says,…

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Active Supporters

Two elderly, excited women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of lust, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs…”AMEN, BROTHER!” When the preacher condemned the sin of stealing, they yelled again…”PREACH IT, REVEREND!” And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying…they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER…TELL IT LIKE IT IS…AMEN!” But when the preacher condemned the sin…

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Male Bashing

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Q: Why do men like smart women? A: Opposites attract. Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They’re hard to…

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poll

Today we took a poll to see how many women would sleep with the President. 10% said “no” 10% said “yes” and the other 80% said “never again”

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Mother-in-Law Blues

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, during the forced…

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four animals

WOMEN ONLY NEED 4 ANIMALS IN THEIR LIFE…… (1)A MINK ON THEIR SHOULDERS (2)A RABBIT ON THEIR BACK (3)A JAG IN THEIR DRIVEWAY (4)AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…… A JACKASS TO PAY FOR IT ALL

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Who do you love?

Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn’t know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Jim, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.” The second one went out and bought new…

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Another Bill/Monica story…..

Two guys were talking about Bill Clinton’s impending impeachment vote, by the full US Congress. The first one remarked, “I don’t feel that he should be kicked out of office, for doing what 41% of all American males do.” “You mean that 41% of all American males cheat on their women?” said the second. “No,” replied the first, “I mean that 41% of all American males have received a blow job from Monica Lewinsky.

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