Mate Jokes - page 13

If Men Were In Charge Of Weddings…..

There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeIf Men Were In Charge Of Weddings…..

Sad blonde

Then there was the dumb blonde who was sitting at her desk one Monday morning weeping her eyes out. Her office mate came over and ask what she was crying about. The blonde said that she was sad because her boyfriend was working on his car over the weekend and the jack broke and cut his finger off. The office mate then asked, “The whole finger?” At which the blonde answered, “No, the one next to it!”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeSad blonde

Monopoly Fun Facts

Warning: Some of these facts may have expired. Was written in 1995. Also, this is VERY long, but PLEASE read it all… Q. What was the longest MONOPOLY game ever? A. 70 days Q. How many little green houses have been built since the MONOPOLY game began? A. Approximately 5.1 Billion Q. What is the longest MOMOPOLY game ever played upside down? A. 36 hours Q. What’s the most frequently rolled number with the dice? A. 7 Q. What’s the…

(4)Loading...

Read JokeMonopoly Fun Facts

Easy Way Of Writing Home

Dear Parent(s), I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us. Please send: __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______ __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________ __ Clean clothes! Relationships: __ What? __ I am in love with myself __ I am in love! __ I am engaged __ I got married last weekend My Roommate: __ Worships the ground I walk on __ Gave me a black eye __ Committed suicide…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeEasy Way Of Writing Home

Why Bras Are Better Than Men

They’re supportive. They’re uplifting. They help you to achieve new heights. You expect to find them in your underwear drawer. If they’re too uptight, it’s easy to loosen them up. You can let them under your shirt on a first date. It’s legal to lock them in the dryer. They coordinate with your underwear (not to be confused with men, who are coordinated once in your underwear). If you outgrow them, it’s easy to throw them away and get a…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeWhy Bras Are Better Than Men

First On The Scene

As the result of some horseplay with a teammate, football Hall of Famer Bronko Nagurski once fell out of a second-floor window. A crowd gathered. A policeman appeared. He asked, “What happened? Replied Nagurski, “I don’t know. I just got here myself.”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeFirst On The Scene

Red Shirt

One day an English ship is sailing along, when suddenly a ship of pirates attacks them. Before the pirates board the English captain commands the first mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The first mate goes and gets his shirt. Then the English crew fight off the pirates. Later on the English ship encounters three pirate ships. Once again the captain tells the first mate, “Fetch me my red shirt!” The first mate gets the shirt. Then the English crew…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeRed Shirt

Fire in the Furnace

A 75 year-old Englishman, whose hair was completely white, married a 20-year Swedish girl and she got pregnant soon afterwards. Nine months later, the Englishman walked into the maternity ward and asked the nurse on duty, “How did my wife do?” The nurse replied, “She gave birth to twin boys.” He chuckled, “Heh, heh, heh, well, I guess that goes to show even when there’s snow on the roof, there can still be fire in the furnace.” The nurse commented,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeFire in the Furnace

MSDS Sheet

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMAN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: WO (Varies HO depending on which periodic table is used) DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg but known to vary from 40-200kg. OCCURRENCES: Migrates in clusters. Copious quantities in all urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered in painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states from virgin metal…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeMSDS Sheet

Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeYo mamma — THE LIST