Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
From: Automated Payroll Processing Date: January 1, 00 Re: Vacation Pay Dear Valued Employee: Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time for the past 100 year(s). As I’m sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work, or notify our office and your next pay cheque…
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The Chaplain on Air Force One tells the President, “Sir, the Captain has just told me he’s losing control of the plane. We’ll probably crash. Is there anything you want to share with the Lord?” “Well,” Bill says, hesitantly, “I was intimate with your wife in the Oval Ofice when you were out of town.” “Sir, respectfully,” the Chaplain replied, “everybody already knows that part of your character. Is there a REAL SIN you want to share before we crash?”…
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For years I lived in places with no trees, so I was thrilled to move to a home in a forest. When a tree shoot began to grow next to our front path, I was delighted, and I pampered the sapling by fertilizing, watering, and offering tender loving care. Yet it appeared to weaken. I poured out more fertilizer, but it still struggled for life. I was baffled. One evening when my room mate and I arrived home, she yanked…
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A true story from Associated Press, by Kurt Westervelt. At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, the president, Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story: On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit…
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This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is this Bricklayer’s report … a true story. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer…
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Two college football players named Bubba and Jed were taking an exam in English Literature. They must pass this exam in order to fulfill the academic requirement. If they fail, they would be dropped from the college varsity team for the whole season. The exam was relatively easy as it consisted mainly of fill-in-the-blank type of answers. However, Bubba was stumped by one particular item. The statement read “Complete the nursery phrase … Ol’ MacDonald had a ______.” Trying as…
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HER STORY: He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn’t say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he’s STILL acting a bit funny and I’m trying to cheer him up and start to wonder…
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The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a “Lord Nelson.” The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similariy of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men…
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This bloke comes in to a pub in the Northern Territory (Australia) with a four-meter salt-water crocodile on a steel chain. Naturally, the patrons are shit scared and jump up on what ever they can find. The publican comes over and says “Get that thing out of here!” The bloke replies “I can?t, he?s my pet!” The publican says, “Well tie him up outside!” The bloke says, “No way, he?ll get lonely! And besides he safe.” “Safe?” say the publican,…
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An eskimo is having trouble with his snowmobile, so he takes it to the shop. The mechanic tells him to stop by later for the estimate. Later that day, the eskimo returns and asks the mechanic, “What seems to be the trouble?” The mechanic says, “Well, it looks like you blew a seal.” The eskimo wipes his mouth vigorously and says, “No,no, I was just eating some ice cream, honest.”
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