Man thing Jokes - page 45

‘While you’ve been away…’

Coming back from a month-long business trip to Asia, a wealthy businessman arrived at the airport where he was fetched by his chauffeur named Jim. On the long drive home, the businessman inquired, “So, Jim, has anything happened while I was away?” Jim replied, “No, sir. I can’t think of anything at all worth mentioning.” The businessman said, “Come now, Jim. I have been away for almost a month. Surely something must have happened in all that time.” Thinking for…

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Enterprising child

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy. The little boy says, “It sure is dark in here.” The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy – “I have a baseball.” Man – “That’s nice.” Boy – “Want to buy it?”…

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Desperately seeking technical support

Desperately seeking technical support: I’m currently running the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 for years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if you minimize Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can’t find the switch to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK. Girlfriend also seems to…

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Son of a parrot

A skinhead type gets on the bus with an orange Mohawk cut all spiked out, green side burns, the whole bit. Another more conventional and a generation older man can’t take his eyes of him. Finally the skinhead says, “What’s the matter, old man? Can’t stand something different?” The man replies kindly, “Oh no! It’s just that I screwed a parrot once and you may be my son.”

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The Old Lady

The old lady called the police complaining of an indecent exposure! When the police arrived, she said: The man across the street is always walking around his house naked! Exposing his genitalia and everything! The Officer takes a look and says: Madam! All I can see of him is his neck and his head! He is not exposing himself! NO! Stand atop the fridge and you’ll see!

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TECHNIQUES ON BEING AN EFFECTIVE EMPLOYEE

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they?re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they?re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.…

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Isn’t it a crazy mixed-up world

Everyone knows of the Chunnel running from England to France, but does everyone know this story? Four people got on the Chunnel: One was a young woman, who looked exactly like one of the models from fashion magazine. The next was a very old very rich woman, then a decorated Sergeant Major. Last but not least was a Private, fresh out of boot camp. The four got talking and all of a sudden the lights went out, there was the…

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Cajun Fishermen

Poo Poo Boudreaux and Poo Poo Thibodeaux were coming up in an inlet in the motor boat when they saw another boat loaded with fish. Seeing as how their luck had been awful today, Boudreaux asked the fisherman what his secret was. He said, “Jes go out to sea till the water she gets fresh. Den stop der and drop yer line.” Excited, Boudreaux fired up the motor and headed out to sea. When they got a little ways out,…

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