Man man Jokes - page 65

Where’s My Car?

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches. “Can I help you, Sir?” “Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies. The cop asks, “Where was the car the last time you saw it?” “It wassss at the end of thissss key!” the man answers. About that time, the officer looks down and sees that the man’s “thing” is hanging out of…

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Flowers

This woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn’t care. She’s busy doing her thing around the house. All of a sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses…the expensive ones…from her husband. She…

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Consoling Words

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he struggled to find appropriate words and said, “I know this must be a very hard time, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell–the nut has already gone to Heaven.” “Ohhh, then you DID know…

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The Broken Watch

A tourist in a strange town notices that her watch is broken. She starts looking for a repair shop. After a long and frustrating search she finds herself in an area where many shop signs are in Hebrew. Finally, she notices that one of the stores has all kinds of clocks and watches ticking merrily in the window. She walks into the shop and puts her watch on the counter in front of the proprietor. “Would you please repair this…

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Outhouse

A man was walking down a lonely country road when Mother Nature called. He rushed to the nearest house and asked if he could use their facilities. The owner said, “Sure, the outhouse is right over there.” After about 20 minutes, the owner became concerned that the passer-by had not yet come out of the outhouse. He knocked on the door and as it swung open, he noticed the passer-by bent over, reaching down into the two holer with a…

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Into The Woods

Sally was seen going into the woods carrying a small package and a large bird cage. She had gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend Liz had never seen Sally looking so sad. So Liz said, “Heard you went off into the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay but you look so sad. Why?” Sally replied, “Because I can’t get a man.” Liz said, “Well you sure won’t find one in the middle…

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The American Plan

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “Only a little while, Senor”. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican fisherman replied that he…

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