Man man Jokes - page 257

The little boy and the duck

It was back in the olden times when you drove carriages not cars. A little boy and his father lived outside of the town. The father told his son, he had to go to town and sell his pet duck because they needed the money. So the little boy is walking in the town and he is looking depressed and a woman is standing on the street and notices him. She walks up to him and says, “Why don?t you…

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Blondes and Trees

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde driver. “Ma’am, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road?” The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree…

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Satisfying Others

After dinner, dancing, and a moonlit stroll under the moon, a young man and his highly experienced date retire to his apartment for some extra-curricular activities. The action is hot, and soon both find themselves naked in his bed. Suddenly, the woman starts laughing uncontrollably at the sight of his little penis, and asks her new boyfriend, “Who do you plan on pleasing with that little thing?” Without missing a beat the young man replies, “Me!”

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Encountering the Lift

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silverwalls which could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “What is this, Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life; I don’t know what it is.” While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady…

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Chevy Nova Awards

These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honour of the GM’s fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. “NO VA” means, of course, in Spanish, “it doesn’t go”. 1. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?” 2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It…

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The Maid

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. “But why?” asked the disappointed wife. She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was…

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An Angry Biker

“My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis,” mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies. “Hey man,” says the friend, “people don’t die of syphilis anymore.” The angry biker replies, “They do when they give it to me!”

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Robotic Arm

A man who lost his arms in Vietnam won a million dollars and immediately went to a doctor asking for their most advanced arms. The doctor told him that they had a brand new voice activated arm, but it costed one million dollars so he could only get one. The man agreed and got the arm. One day he goes to a bar to show off the arm to his buddies. He tells the arm to pick up his drink,…

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That’s Impossible!

Said John to Mary, “I’ll bet you a quarter I can kiss you on the lips without touching them.” “You’re crazy,” said Mary. “That’s impossible. Here’s a quarter that says you can’t.” The two coins were placed on the mantlepiece and John then enfolded Mary and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, “You did nothing BUT touch my lips.” John pushed the quarters toward her and said,…

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