Man man Jokes - page 254

The Nosy Cab Driver

Each morning, a self-righteous, nosy cab driver would drive a man to his place of employment and would later return to drive the man’s wife to her place of employment…a brothel. During a conversation one morning with the man, the nosy cab driver smugly stated, “I don’t mean to be prying, but did you know that each morning after dropping you off at work, I return and take your wife and drop her off at a brothel where she works?”…

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Can you help me?

A man named Joe walked into a men?s room and saw a row of urinals along the wall. There was another man standing in front of the urinal, but he was not using it. His hands were all curled up. There was nobody else in the men?s room. Joe went and stood by the other man and used the urinal. When Joe had finished, the other man spoke. He said, ?Sir, I don?t have the full use of my hands.…

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SUPERMARKET TRAINING

A very dumb man applies for a job at the supermarket. He gets the job. The first day his training started. His boss said “I’ll pretend to be the customer and you make a sale to me.” “Okay, let’s start. Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?” “Umm…I dunno,” replied the trainee lamely. “No, no, no! You’re supposed to say, ‘A dollar seventy-five’!” scolded the boss. “Let’s try again.” “Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?”…

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sex or brownies?

One day there was a woman waiting for her husband to come home from work. When he got home she said, “Listen, I need you to fix the stairs, they are creaking again.” Her husband replied, “Look, I had a hard day at work all I want is to have a beer and go to bed. Does it look like I have carpenter written across my forehead?” So he had his beer and went to bed. The next day when…

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Conversion Factor

One day a Jewish son came home from college and told his dad that he had converted to Christianity. His father went to his Rabbi and said, “My son went away for awhile and came back a Christian. What shall I do?” The Rabbi said in reply, “Well, you see, the same thing happened to my son. We shall pray to God and ask what we should do.” So the man and the Rabbi prayed to God. “God, our sons…

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Texas Baby

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced “a typical Texas baby” weighing twenty pounds. “Wow! Twenty pounds!” exclaimed many at the bar, as they congratulated the proud father. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?” The proud father answered,…

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Big Mistake

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain…” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I`m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say…” “And I said to keep quiet! You`re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the…

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pickup lines

1. Hey baby, why don’t you sit on my lap, and we’ll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!! 2. (motion for girl to come here with one finger), “If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!” 3. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? 4.If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? 5. Fuck me if I’m wrong….but haven’t we met before? 6. Do…

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Listen to Poppa

Angelina and Giuseppi were standing before the judge in divorce court. Angelina says: “Your Honor, we beena marry 25 years ana Giuseppi he’s always picka his nose ana when we maka love, he’s a never letsa me on top. I just canna taka dis no more.” The judge listens solemnly, then addresses Giuseppi. “Giuseppi, isa dis true? You always a picka your nose, and you never let Angelina on top? What you gotta say fora yourself, eh?” Giuseppa says, “Well,…

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