Man man Jokes - page 167

Who is God?

Who Is God? The little kid comes to his father: Kid: Daddy, is God a man or a woman? Dad: Both son, God is both. After a while the kid comes again: Kid: Daddy, is God black or white? Dad: (after thinking for a while) Both darling, both. After a few minutes the kid comes again: Kid: Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?

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Scottish Immigrant

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans yelling ?run… run!? The next batter connects heavily with the ball. The Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, ?R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!? A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams ?R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!? The next batter…

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Stages for men and women

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 bourbon 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox AGE SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE FAVORITE SPORT 17 sex 25 sex 35 sex 48 sex 66 napping AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 tongue…

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Little Johnny and Organs

“Good morning class! Today we are learning about human organs that come in pairs,” says the teacher. “For example, our eyes are organs and we have two, now give me some more examples. Let’s start with Linda.” “Ears!” says Linda excitedly. “Very good,” replies the teacher. “Michael?” “Balls,” replies Michael The teacher is a little surprised by Michael’s crudeness, but accepts his answer. “Yes, little Johnny?” “The penis,” says little Johnny. “Hey wait a minute, we only have one penis!”…

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Take your pick…

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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Hunters

There were these three hunters that were fixing to go hunting in a familiar part of the woods. The first man set up while the other two still hunted. The first hunter was sitting in his tree when he got cold and sleepy. He got him a dip of Skoal and realized he had to take a shit. He didn’t want to climb down so he just shit over the side. He then fell asleep. The other two hunters killed…

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cojones

A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. “What’s this?” he asks. “Cojones, senor,” the waiter replies. “What are cojones?” the man asks. “Cojones,” the waiter explains, “are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon.” At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to…

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A Memory To Remember!

So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up. “That’s Old Chief Forget-Me-Not,” whispers the man behind the desk reverently, “he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation.” “Why…

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Hail to the Chief

It’s a shame that Bill has caused so many changes in the White House. The latest being that “Hail to the Chief” won’t be played anymore to honor him as President. Seems Bill prefers “Devil with a Blue Dress on.”

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Golfers

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent…

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