Man man Jokes - page 164

Attorney

Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough cosultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can use already.” Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk, If you have too many, I’ll start as a janitor.” Employer: “It just doesn’t seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications.” Applicant:…

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Poetic Inspiration

A professor asked a student to remain after class one day. Holding out the young man’s assignment, the professor said, “Did you write this poem all by yourself?” The student said, “Yes, every word of it.” The professor said, “Well, then, I’m delighted to meet you, Mr. Poe. I had heard this rumor that you were long dead!”

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Herd of Cows

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be “Macho,” and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that bunch of cows.” The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ but ‘herd.’” “Heard what?” “Herd of cows.” “Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”

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Blue Silk Pajamas

A man calls his wife and says to her, “Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?” “Sure, honey,” his wife answers. “Oh, and could you please pack my blue silk pajamas?” “Sure, honey,” his wife answers again. The man comes home, picks up his things and takes off for the week. He…

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I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

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Frozen Cows

Farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all his cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues. It had been a cold night but he’d never thought anything like this would happen. The realisation of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with…

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Lawyers

In a bar, men were drinking and having fun!! A man jumps up and yells out “all lawyers are Assholes”!!! Another man jumps up and says “I resent that” “why” asks the first man “are you a lawyer”? “No” replied the man “I am an Asshole”!!

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Big Decisions

I met a man who had been married for 66 years. “Amazing. 66 years!” I said. “What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?” “Well,” he replied, “It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.” “Really?” I responded. “Does that really work?” “Oh, yes,” he said proudly. “66 years, and so far, not one big decicision!”

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