Man man Jokes - page 123

Sisters of Mercy

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF MERCY -HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says: SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying:…

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French Lover

The young blonde American girl, on her very first trip to Paris, decided to test the French male’s fabled expertise in the art of love-making. On her first date, she asked him what exactly he intended to do with her. “First,” he replied, “I weel remove ze dress. Zen, I will carry you to ze bed. And zen,” he added triumphantly, “I will kiss ze navel.” “Big deal!!!” the blonde said. “I’ve had my navel kissed hundreds of times before.”…

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by the grace of god

Two men were out hunting one day,when one man says to the other i’ve gotta shit. His friend tells him to make sure he goes downwind so he won’t scare the deer. After the first man had been gone for about twenty minutes a huge deer comes walking up and the remaining man shoots it. When hisfriend didn’t yell out to ask if he killed it , he deciced he should search for the man. Thinking his buddy may have…

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Doctor’s Visit

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor pulled the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. He will surely die if you don’t do the following: Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.…

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Sex & lies

An healthy and shy man, 70 years old, at the doctor’s office. – “Hey doc… I don’t know how it is possible… I’m very anxious about… but, I’m… a little ashamed… Many of my same aged friends are saying they have intercourse six times a week.” – “What’s the problem? Tell them the same thing!!”

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Pearls of Wisdom

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess — why can’t it get us out? Even if you are on the…

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Japanese Food

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck, there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the…

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B.L.T.N.T.

A man walks into a diner and sits down. The waitress comes over and hands him a menu. He hands it back and says “I already know what I want, I want a B.L.T.N.T.” The waitress looks at him with a confused look and says,”I know what a B.L.T. is but what does N.T. mean? The man replys, “Bacon, lettuce, and tomato not toasted.” So the waitress goes and gets his sandwich. After he eats it, she comes over and…

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Thanksgiving Quotes that Sound Dirty but Aren’t

Talk about huge breasts! Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist! It’s Cool Whip time. If I don’t undo my pants I’ll burst. Whew, that’s a terrific spread I’m in the mood for a little dark meat. Are you ready for seconds yet? It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it? Just wait your turn, you’ll get some. Don’t play with your meat. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in. Do you think you’ll…

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my son

Four work buddies were out golfing at the 11th hole one of them says, “Play on … I have to go to the bathroom”, so they play on and get to talking about their sons. The first guy says, “I am really proud of my son. He is doing so well, he bought his friend a new car.” The second man boasts, “My son is doing so well that he just bought his friend a 24′ boat.” The third guy…

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