Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it’s annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do, wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they’ll…
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“Everyday some new do gooder is trying to save us from ourselves. We have so many laws and safety commissions to ensure our safety that it seems nearly impossible to have an accident. The problem is, we need accidents, and LOTS of them. Danger is natures way of eliminating stupid people. Without safety, stupid people die in accidents! With safety, however well-intentioned it may be, we are, devolving into half-witted mutants because idiots, who by all rights should be dead,…
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One day a man was driving down the road & saw a pig with a wooden leg, so he stopped to see what was up. So he knocked on the door & a lady answered. He said, “Where did you get a pig with a wooden leg?” The lady said, “Well, we got him from Czechoslavakia… Anyway, soon after we got him, he was sniffing around, so we thought we would drill — $500,000 worth of royalties in oil. A…
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Dear Sir, My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with…
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He…
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Time, they say, waits for no man — or what’s left of his ancestors. Consider this dialogue between a museum guard and a group of tourists gaping at dinosaur bones in a natural history museum. “Can you tell us how old the dinosaur bones are?” one asks. “They are 3 million, four years and six months old,” the guard says authoritatively. “That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so definitely?” “Well, the bones…
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There was once this man in heaven, he asked God what a million dollars meant to him. God replied, “A penny.” Then, the man asked what a million years meant to God. God replied, “A second.” Finally the man asked, “Can I have one of your pennies?” And god replied, “Just a second.”
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A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of Canada. The first morning in the cabin, he awoke and stood by the window admiring the scenery. Suddenly, he noticed a huge animal walk by. “Och, whut’s thaaat?” he said. His Canadian friend looked out the window and said, “Oh, that’s a moose.” “Och! If thaaat’s a moose, hoo big are your cats arooond here?”
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14. Got to Get You Off of My Wife 13. She Came In Through John’s Fragile Ego 12. She’s a Woman (Who Was a Man) 11. Can’t Buy Me Love (But Can Rent It by the Hour for 300 Big Ones) 10. Polyurethane Pam Anderson 9. Crackbird 8. Lucy In The Sky With Linus 7. Eleanor Furby 6. All You Need is Drugs 5. Nor-Region Woody 4. She Came in Through the White House Window 3. While My Guitar Gently…
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A man is talking to God and asks him: “God, why did you make women so beautiful?” to which God replies, “So that you would find them attractive.” Then the man asks: “God, but why did you have to make them so dumb?” To which God replies: “So that they would find you attractive!”
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