Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When… You ski uphill. You answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. You lick your coffee pot clean. You spend your vacations visiting “Maxwell House”. Your eyes…
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Q: What’s the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? A: One says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud.” The other says, “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe.” Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with…. the other is used to carry groceries. Q: How do you recycle toilet paper? A: Hang it on the wall and bash the…
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A man was standing on a train platform seeing the train off, and he observed someone near him shouting at one of the departing passengers, “Goodbye! Your wife is a great lay! Your wife is a great lay!” He was stunned. After the train pulled away, he walked over to the man who’d been shouting and asked, ‘Exuse me, sir. Did I hear you correctly? Did you tell that man his wife is a great lay?’ The other man shrugged.…
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Laws for women to live by: 1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature…
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During World War II, Private Goldstein was anxious to get married before going overseas, but he was stationed in a small town in South Carolina and couldn’t get a furlough. His fiancee, Becky, was perfectly willing to come to South Carolina, and did so; but once there, a difficult problem arose. Becky was a pious girl and insisted on being married by an Orthodox Jewish rabbi. In the small town where Goldstein was stationed, however, there were no Jews, let…
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Home is where the house is. Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good, because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and…
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. If your parents did not have any children, chances are you won’t either. I asked Mom if I was a gifted child . . . She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to…
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A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other and generally did not get on. The Scotsman owned the best chicken in the country and it laid great tasting eggs. One day the chicken broke into the Englishman’s garden and laid an egg. The two men began arguing about who the egg belonged to. The Englishman claimed it for himself, saying “The egg was laid in my garden, therefore it belongs to me.” The Scotsman countered with “It’s…
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One day, at the 45th National Bank, a frog hopped inside and sat at the loan info chair. The lady on the job asked, “How may I help you?”, feeling dumb for talking to a frog. The frog replied, “Ribbit ribbit, loan, 5 dollars.” The lady asked the frog for colateral, and he spit a wooden bird, no taller then 2cm on the table. Wiping it off, the lady replied, “Mr. frog, my name is Patricia Black. I will be…
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Eleven reasons e-mail is like a male reproductive organ: 11. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off. 10. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior. 9. Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s neat, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it. 8. Many of those who don’t have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call *E-Mail…
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