Man a man Jokes - page 250

preacher’s peanuts

One day a man went in to talk to his preacher and while he was talking, he was eating away at the peanuts sitting on the preacher’s desk. He did not notice how many peanuts he had eaten, and when he finally looked down, the bowl was empty. The man said to the preacher, “I am so sorry, I didn’t notice that I ate all of your peanuts.” The preacher replied, “Oh, don’t worry about it, son. I just suck…

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Jewish and Italian boys

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. It turns out that each boy likes the other’s present better, and so they trade. That night, when the Italian boy…

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Fishing advice

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute…

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boys vs. girls

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day passing an 8 year old girl’s house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up his football and says, “See this football? Football is a boys’ game, and only boys can have a football.” The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, “I want a football.” Being a woman of the 90’s, her mother…

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Horrible Dreams

“Doc,” said the young many, lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when, all of a sudden, five beautiful women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nods, “And what do you do?” “I push them away.” “I see. Well, what do you want ME to do?” The patient implored, “Break my arms.”

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WINE – OOOOHHHHH

A homeless drunk scrapes up all his change one day and heads for his favorite liquor store. He places $5.00 in change on the counter and says, “Max give me four bottles of the cheapest ripple ya got!” Eager with his score, he immediately downs all four bottles and passes out in an alley. Along about 1:30am a disgruntled fag happens by after striking out at the local gay bar. Spying the passed out drunk, he decides to relive himself.…

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Breast Obsessed

A middle-aged man had an obsession with women’s breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem. “I am going to do a word association test, explained the doctor. I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that comes into your mind.” “Oranges,” said the doctor. “Breasts,” replied the patient. “Apples.” “Breasts.” “Watermelons.” “Breasts.” “Windshield wipers.” “Breasts,” said the patient, with the same reply. “Wait a minute! I can…

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ice cream

I was in an ice cream parlor with my friend the other day, Sunday I believe. We watched as a very old limozine pulled up front and parked. A lovely older lady and a small young female ,about 6 years old got out and walked into the parlor. The well dressed older lady asked the young girl what kind of ice cream did she want for her birthday party? The young girl replied ‘Chocolate”. The young man behind the counter…

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BAD PARROT!

A woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot, the man at the pet store said “I got to tell you this parrot was raised in a house of ill repute, so you might hear some bad words.” She said, “That’s OK, I’ll take him.” So she goes home and puts him in a cage. When the parrot arrives, he looks around and says, “New home, New madam.” Later when her two teenage daughters came home, the parrot…

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