Man a man Jokes - page 24

Why are men…

Why are men like lawn mowers? If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it. Why is a hard man good to find? You don’t have to stay up half the night massaging his ego. How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix? It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway. What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run or don’t fit right…

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Woods

This pedophile was bringing a kid into the woods. The woods were dark and dreary and full of sounds . The kid got scared and looked up to the man and said, “All these noises and sounds are really scary!” The guy looks back at the kid and says, “It’s ok for you, but I’ve got to come back this way on my own.”

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Too Stupid

This is the actual telephone dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?” “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.” “What sort of trouble?” “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.” “Went away?” “They disappeared.” “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?” “Nothing.” “Nothing?” “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.” “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get…

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Signs and Symptoms of Menopause

1. HOTFLASHES You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. NIGHT SWEATS The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. 3. MOOD SWINGS Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. 4. MEMORY LOSS You write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them. 5. IRRITABILITY Your husband…

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Stolen Car Returned

Finishing their shopping at the mall, a couple discovers that their brand-new car was stolen. They file a report at the police station, and a detective drives them back to the parking lot to look for evidence. To their amazement, the car has been returned and there’s a note in it that says “I apologize for taking your car. My wife was having a baby and I hot-wired your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience.…

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Fishin’ for Trouble

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside…

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Chickens in a basket

One day two Polish men were walking down the road. One man had a basket with chickens in it. At that time he said to the other man, “If you can guess how many chickens are in this basket I’ll give you one of them.” So the other man says “No, I want two chickens.” So the man with the chickens says, “I’ll tell you what if you can guess how many chickens are in this basket I’ll give you…

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GOING UP?

A businessman was flying over Chicago in his small airplane when suddenly the engine stopped. He reached behind the seat, grabbed his parachute and bailed out of the plane. On the way down to earth he met a woman wearing an apron going up. He shouted to her, “Hey lady, do you know anything about parachutes?” She replied, “No sir, do you know anything about gas stoves?”

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“Wanted”

A tall well-built woman with good reputation, who can cook frog legs,who appreciates a good fuc- schia garden,classic music and tal- king without getting too serious. But please read only lines 1,3,5!

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