Mak Jokes - page 57

St. Peter greets the Lawyer

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable…

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Cinderella’s Mirror

Cinderella was excited that she had bought a new magical mirror. She hung the mirror on the door and chanted, “Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my bust a 44”. All of a sudden, Cinderella had these huge breasts and she was delighted. Sometime later, her Prince came by and noticed her new magical mirror. The Prince thought that he too would give the new magical mirror a try. The Prince then chanted, “Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my…

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Tee shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed; driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The other guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.” “Forget it, man,” his partner answered, “you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting…

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The Sad Wife’s Wishes

One day a woman was walking along the beach thinking of the sad state of her life, for her husband had just told her that he wanted a divorce. As she was walking, she tripped over something in the sand. The woman picked the object up, revealing a lamp. The woman rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared before her. “I will grant you three wishes,” the genie said, “but whatever you wish for, your husband will get double.” The…

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Bar Talk Interpretations

No, really, I’m O.K. to drive… – I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I’m going with I’m not used to these darts… – I’m not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I’m this bombed. Let’s go out to my car and get some cigarettes…(male to female) – You would look great face down in my lap. Want to check out my new car stereo? (male to female) – I have…

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A few bumper stickers

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT! Save Your Breath . . . You’ll need it to blow up your date! All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

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Read JokeA few bumper stickers

Two Morons

Two morons were working in a pit, digging away, while their boss was up on normal ground, sitting next to his cadillac, drinking lemonade. One moron said, “Why do we have to be down here, while our boss is up there relaxing?” The other replied, “I don’t know, I’ll go up and ask him”, which he did. The boss replied, “It’s because I’m smart and you guys are morons”. “What makes you think that?”, asked the moron. “Let me show…

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A Thinking Problem

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone–“to relax,” I told myself–but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but…

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An Italian Guy’s Story

This is a story of an Italian guy when he visits Toronto. You have to speak in an Italian accent to make this jokes more effective! One daya I go to Toronto and stay in bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast, I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet, I say you no understand, I wanna two piss…

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Girls vs. skis

Top Ten Reasons Why Skis are Better Than Girls 10. You can choose exactly what you want your skis to look like; short, long, straight, shaped, flat, plus they come in a variety of colors. 9. Your skis won’t talk back to you. 8. You can use your skis any time you want. 7. You can use both of your skis at the same time, and they won’t care. 6. After a day of skiing, one ski won’t turn to…

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