M ms Jokes - page 32

After the Whitehouse

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is William Jefferson Clinton and I’m the President of the United States. And right now I’m going trough some minor legal problems that you may or may not have heard about, and these legal problems are probably going to force me out of office sooner or later and that got me thinking the other day. When I’m out of office I’m going to need some sort of steady income to support my family,…

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2 Prostitutes on a Dock

Two prostitutes are walking on a dock when one turns to the other, “I need to make bubbles.” The other replies, “Well hang your ass over the pier. I’ll keep watch.” After a few minutes she comes to see what’s taking so long, and exclaims, “Hey, you’re pissing into a canoe!” The other snarls back, “F**k you bitch – that’s my reflection!!”

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Getting Lost

So it seems that this reporter goes to Armenia to write articles about the people and their land. He meets an old man in a secluded village, and over a cup of the local brew asks him about the memorable events of his life. After a bit of thought, the old man says, “Well, there was this time my donkey got lost, so me and my neighbors got some vodka and went looking for it. We looked and looked, all…

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Saint Peter and the Golfer

A guy by the name of George died and found himself waiting to be let into Heaven. As George stepped up the gates Saint Peter asked him his name. George answered and Saint Peter ran his finger down the list. “I’m sorry, you’re not on the list. I’m afraid I can’t let you in.” “There must be some mistake. I’ve lived a very decent life on Earth. The only thing that I’ve done wrong was cuss the other day on…

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Horoscope Horror

Your Horoscope AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 ? Feb. 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same stupid mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. PISCES: Feb. 19 ? Mar. 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people you resent you for flaunting…

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PEPSI challenge

An airplane shipment full of Pepsi had a malfunction flying over the continent of Africa and went down. It took a few weeks for the Pepsi Company to send a three man rescue team. While searching the area they found a tribe of cannibals. Asking the Chief of the tribe if he knew anything about the crash, the Chief replied “We ate the crew and we drank the Pepsi.” The rescue team was shocked! A team member asked “Did you…

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Fill ‘er up!

A burly, muscular rancher returned home a day earlier from his trip to the city to deliver a herd of cattle. When he entered the bedroom, the rancher found his wife naked in bed getting it on with his ranch foreman. Angrily, the rancher grabbed his foreman by the neck and proceeded to choke him until the foreman lost consciousness. When the foreman came to after being splashed in the face with water, he found himself in the barn all…

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Revealing telegram

A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach, alone, for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week, as part of his vacation. Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: “Take the next plane for a fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress.” His friend was quick to wire back: “Your wife and I arriving tomorrow at…

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With Grandma’s Help

Little Jimmy was struggling with a homework assignment his 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Adams, had given her English class. Jimmy’s grandmother realized that the boy was having difficulty when she saw all the scrunched up papers around the kitchen table where he was working. “Having a problem with your homework, dear?” asked the sweet old lady. “I am, Grandma”, said Jimmy, dropping his pencil dejectedly on the table. “We’re supposed to make up a limerick and read it to the…

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