Little man Jokes - page 17

Lesbi

This guy is sitting at the end of a bar and sees this really beautiful lady at the other end of the bar. He tells the bartender, “Hey send her a drink.” The bartender says, “Why would you want to do that she’s a lesbian?” The man says, “Man, it’s my money, don’t question me!!” So the bartender sends her a drink. A little bit later the man says, “Hey bartender send her another drink.” The bartender says, “Man, I…

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Drunken Sex Slave

One day there was a guy sitting in a bar. He kept asking for small shots of vodka, and every time he drank one he would look in his pocket. So of course he asked the bartender for another vodka. The bartender did not think much of it at first when he looked in his pocket again. Then guy asked for two more vodkas and then looked in his pocket, the bartender started to get a little suspicious. Then he…

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How You Spend Your ‘DASH’

I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombsone From the beginning…to the end. He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. (1900-1970) For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth.. And now only those who loved her Know…

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A Letter of Apology

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…

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Midget in a Public Bathroom

One day, a man was taking a piss in a public bathroom when this midget comes walking in. The midget comes next to the man with a ladder and sets it up beside the man and climbs up. By this time, the man is a little curious. The midget then looks up and says, “Wow sir, those are nice balls, can I touch em?” The man both confused and flattered replies “OK.” The midget then takes a firm grasp and…

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Bushisms, pt 2

“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…

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Truth about Snow White

Researchers have finally figured out the truth about Snow White after many years of study, and came to the conclusion that she was a prostitute and the seven dwarfs were just little midget pimps. Why else would they go around singing “Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it’s off to work we go” all the time?

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THE MEN’S ROOM…

EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. CROSSEYES: Looks into next urinal to see how other guy is hung. TIMID: Cannot piss if someone is wastching, flushes urinal, comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down, and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. WORRIED:…

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If only he had….

An old man gets on a crowded bus, and no one offers to give him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles along, the old man’s cane slips on the floor and he falls. As he slowly gets back up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, “If you would put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn’t slip.” The old man snaps back, “Well, if your daddy had done the…

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The young comic

Back in the early 60’s, a young fellow walked into a talent agent’s office and said he wanted to break into show-biz. The agent said, “O.K. kid, show me what you can do.” The kid told some jokes, did a little soft shoe, sang a bit, did an acrobatic act with an ottoman and was good enough to impress the agent. “Great kid! Just great!” said the agent. “I can do things for you! I think I can get you…

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