Lady lady Jokes - page 14

Last Supper

A guy gets set up on a blind date, and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order. The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu–shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar salad, lobster, crepes suzette–with no regard to the prices. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much. She then stops and looks across at…

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Don’t Stop that Thief!

A lady was exercising her dog in the park. A scumbag on a bicycle came up behind her and grabbed the carrier bag from her hand. Pedaling furiously into the distance with his prize, he was not aware of the lady rolling on the grass in fits of laughter. Like the good citizen that she was, she had been using the plastic bag to collect her dog’s poop.

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How I Did It

A young lady had just visited her doctor, and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share her good news with someone. The farmer sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. “Sir,” she said, “I just received the best news…

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Sperm Bank & empty jar

A man walks into a sperm bank and says, “I’d like to make a donation. So the lady at the front desk hands him a jar and says, “Here , fill it up and bring it back in a week.” The man says “OK, see you then,” and leaves. When he comes back in a week he hands the woman the empty jar and says, “I tried it with left hand, I tried it with my right hand, my wife…

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A Phallic Symbol

The young lady was nodding her head at what the psychiatrist was telling her, and said, “Yes, I see, Dr. Schmidt. At least, I see everything but one point. The one thing I’m hazy about is this phallic symbol you mentioned. What’s a phallic symbol?” “A phallic symbol,” said the psychiatrist, “is anything that can be used to represent or symbolize a phallus.” “But what’s a phallus, doctor?” The psychiatrist said, “I think I can explain that most clearly by…

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The Mink Coat

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, “Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.” “No problem! I’ll write you a check!” “Very good, sir.” says…

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dirty pipi joke

On his third marriage already, Mr. Jones wanted to start a new life with a virginal young woman, since his marriages to worldly types were unsuccessful. He searched the country for a young innocent female — he classified by asking a simple question. Upon meeting a young lady he’d show them a picture of his member and ask them what it was. If the response was “dick” the lady was dirty and not worth marrying. After interviewing hundreds of ladies…

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YAAA-HOOOOO!

A pretty girl is driving through the West when her car runs out of gas. Along comes an Indian and gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final “Yaaaa-Hooooo!” and gallops off. “My God!” says the gas station attendant, “What the hell were you doing to make him holler like that?” “Why, nothing,” says the girl, “I just sat…

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nice pig!

There is a lady and a duck in a bar and a man walks over to them and says, “Nice pig”. So the lady replies, “That’s a duck!” and the man says, “Yeah, I was talking to the duck!!!”

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Grandma’s pee

A bus, whose doors are open all the time was riding through town. In comes an old woman, and as she find herself a seat, she suddenly felt the urge to pee. Unfortunately, her stop is still far away, so she decided to pee out of the bus’s door when no one is looking. As the bus rides, she went to the most back door, lifted her skirt and peed. Unfortunately though, some of her pee landed in a young…

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