Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Being a bit down on his luck, a man goes door-to-door looking for work. Finally at one very nice looking house a compassionate woman offers the man work painting the porch out back. She figures it will take about two hours and offers the man $20 to do the job. He agrees. She gives him a gallon of green paint and a brush and he goes behind the house to work. Barely a half hour later he knocks on the…
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An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?” “Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you…
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Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he’d been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application…
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Memo To: All Employees Subject: New Policies Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse…
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When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue. When you are married ….You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?” When you are dating….. He holds your hand in public. When you are married ….He flicks your ear in public. When you are dating…..…
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WELCOME TO THE E-MAIL WONDERLAND (Sing to the tune of Walking In A Winter Wonderland) Another “ping”, Are you listenin’? The puter screen, Is a glistenin’. With icons so bright, They light up the night, Welcome to the e-mail wonderland! Gone away, Are the hall talks. Here to stay, Is the IN-BOX. Flagged “urgent, please read!”, And “answer with speed!”. Welcome to the e-mail wonderland! In the morning e-mails start to add up. No lunch today cause messages abound. Just…
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An elderly man was walking along the beach in miamI while his wife slept late at their hotel. He came upon a bottle with a cork. He pulled the cork and lo and behold, out came an enormous genie. “Hello, genie”, said Morris. “I will grant you one wish,” said the genie, “and if I can’t grant that wish, I will grant you another one.” “Ok” said Morris. He picked up a shell and drew a map in the sand.…
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One day little Johnny came home from school and saw that a new house was being built down the block. His mom told him he could go watch if he promised to be very careful and stay out of the way. When he got back, he was very excited and told his mom he learned something new. “Take one end of this piece of string and go to the other end of the room.” After she did this, he tried…
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Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would enjoy galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn. Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Masters planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of…
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1.Your bartender knows you better than your own mom. 2.You have worked 12 different jobs in the last 2 months. 3.Everything you own is in the pawn shop. 4.You have to check the gas and fill the oil in your car. 5.Your last date was on the spice channel.
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