Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Mrs. Dahlia asks her class if anyone can use the word “contagious” in a sentence. James stands up and says, “If you get Shigella it can be contagious.” The teacher applauds him on a job well done. Then she asks, “Anyone else?” Billy, being ever so innocent, stands up, “I asked my dad the other day how long it would take for the neighbor to plant the rosebed she was working on and he told me it would take the…
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THE PERFECT DAY – FOR HER -8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses -8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday -8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents – expensive jewelery chosen by thoughtful partner -9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil -10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer -10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry -12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe -12.45 Catch sight of husband/ boyfriend’s…
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Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster that an ambulance… Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink… Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke… Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters… Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the…
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Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are sitting side by side as they are waiting for Air Force One to take off. The stewardess comes over and asks solicitously, “Can I get you a drink, Mr. President?” Bill Clinton says cheerfully, “Why sure honey! I’ll have a martini, please. Shaken not stirred. Ha ha ha!” The stewardess smiles back and turns to the Reverend Jackson, “And you, sir? Care for the same?” “I’d rather be given a blowjob by a two-bit…
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Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday. Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook. Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t need much help. Job Applicant: That’s all right.…
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Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work! But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was…
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We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole…
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Jane got a new job as a stylist at a beauty salon. During her second week on the job, a bald woman walked into the salon and said to Jane. “I’ve tried everything to make my hair grow, and nothing works! I’m a rich woman–I’ll give you $25,000 if you can make my hair look just like yours.” “No problem,” said Jane, and quickly shaved her own head.
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In dire need of a beauty make-over for her new job, Linda went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young lustrous-haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair, as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thinning, graying hair. Linda was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody, that is. It was the theme from “Mission Impossible.”
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“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.” “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” “Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene!’” “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.” “If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now…
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