Jo jo Jokes - page 78

Axioms for the Internet Age

1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\is the root of all directories. 8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page. 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.…

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Rooney on Answering machines:

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone’s answering machine? “Hi, It’s a great day and I’m out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is “Share the love.” “Beep.” “Uh, yeah. . . this is the VD clinic calling. . .Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.” — Andy Rooney

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golf etiquette

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bullshitting, and cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful…

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Feeling fine

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…….” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question.” “Did…

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Life stinks, when….

A black cat crosses your path and drops dead. You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife. The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm. Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft. You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment. Your children’s school calls to surrender. The bride’s family throws rocks instead of rice. Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map. Your plants…

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A Thinking Problem

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone–“to relax,” I told myself–but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but…

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An Italian Guy’s Story

This is a story of an Italian guy when he visits Toronto. You have to speak in an Italian accent to make this jokes more effective! One daya I go to Toronto and stay in bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast, I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bringa me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet, I say you no understand, I wanna two piss…

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Bricklayer’s Poor Planning

This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is this Bricklayer’s report … a true story. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer…

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