Irs Jokes - page 79

What DO They Want?

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only”. Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you…

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Stupid Questions

Q. Now, doctor, isn’t it true that, when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? ————————— Q. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? ————————— Q. She had three children, right? A. Yes. Q. How many were boys? A. None. Q. Were there any girls? ————————— Q. Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you? A. I went to Europe, sir. Q. Did you…

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DILBERT Quotes Contest Entries

A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life managers. Here are the Top 12 finalists: 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.) 2. What I need is a list of…

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3 Choices In Hell

A man goes to hell and shows up in front of three doors. The devil pops up and says, “You have a choice here behind these doors for what you want to do for eternity.” The man thinks this is fair and looks behind the first door and sees many people on a hot metal floor, standing on their heads and screaming. He quickly slams the door saying,”NOT THAT!” The man looks behind the second and sees many people standing…

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3 women in Nasa

There are 3 women at an interview for NASA, a blonde a brunet and a redhead. First, the brunet goes in and the man asks her, “If you could go to any planet, where would you go and why?” She answers, “Saturn so I could see the rings.” Next comes the redhead and is asked the same quetion. She replies, “Jupiter, because I love the color red!” Finally the blonde comes in and is also asked the same question. She…

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Dad’s Turn to Feed the Baby

The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who is just staring off into space and says, “What in the world are you doing?” He replied, “I’m just waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another.”

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Honeymoon Troubles

A couple return from their honeymoon, and it’s obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom’s best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong. “Well,” replied the man, “when we had finished making love on the first night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.” “Oh, I shouldn’t worry about that too much,” said his friend. I’m sure your wife will…

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The Cowboy’s Guide to Life

Don’t squat with your spurs on. Don’t interfere with something that ain’t botherin’ you none. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a raindance. The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is t’ swaller. Iffin you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. Iffin it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t. It don’t take no genius…

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