Irish man Jokes - page 4

The Last Laugh

An Irishman is driving down a quiet country road when a policeman drives up behind him and pulls him over. “Excuse me sir,” the copper says, “I don’t believe that this is your car.” “I can assure you it is,” Paddy replies. But the PC still doesn’t believe poor old Paddy, so he gets him out of the car and onto the road. The policeman then proceeds to draw a circle around the Irishman and returns to the car. “I’m…

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Two obese Patties

A man took a new job as a bus driver and was given a bus with a Sesame Street advertisement on the side. At his first stop he picked up two fat Irish women who’s names both happened to be Pattie. At his next stop he picked up a man named Ross. This man felt highly of himself and insisted that everyone call him Special Ross. At the next stop was a biker who didn’t have a name, but he…

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Murphy is Dying

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve some bad new for you … you have the cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.” Murphy shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room. There he saw his…

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spud

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all going for a job as a code breaker for Scotland yard. Their first test is to pick the odd one out from 3 objects. A carrot, a potato and a knife. The Englishman walks in and the interviewer asks him which is the odd one out. The Englishman replies, “The knife, because the other 2 are vegetables.” He passes the test and is told to send the 2nd man in. The Scotsman enters…

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‘I Love You’ in 22 languages

1. English……….. I Love You 2. Spanish………. Te Amo 3. French……….. Je T’aime 4. German………. Ich Liebe Dich 5. Japanese……. Ai Shite Imasu 6. Italian………. Ti Amo 7. Chinese……… Wo Ai Ni 8. Swedish…….. Jag Alskar Dig 9. Eskimo………. Nagligivaget 10. Greek………… S’Agapo 11. Hawaiian……. Aloha Nui Loa 12. Irish…………. Thaim In Grabh Leat 13. Hebrew……… Ani Ohev Otakh 14. Russian…….. Ya Lyublyu Tyebya 15. Albanian……. Une Te Dua 16. Finnish……… Mina Rakkastan Sinua 17. Turkish…….. Seni Seviyorum 18. Hungarian………

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The House of Ill Repute

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house. “Would ye look at that, Darby!” said Pat. “What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinnin’ in a house the likes of that place!” They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted…

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Language Barrier

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You”re in charge of sweeping.” To the Irishman, he says, “You”re in charge of shoveling.” And to the Chinese guy, “You”re in charge of supplies.” He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you gusy to make a dent in that there pile.” So the…

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3 Foreigners in a Bar

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They all are talking about how much there lives suck, and how much the bars in their respective home towns are better. Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!” The others agree that sounds like…

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Oh Whoops

An airoplane is about to crash land. The pilot yells over the intercom to the passengers to throw something out the window so that the crash won’t be as bad. A young irish blonde throws out a case o whisky, a big english bloke lobs out a case o cigs and an Iraq phsyco throws out a bomb. Five minutes later a women is walking along a street. She see’s a little girl crying. “What’s the matter dear?” she asks.…

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golf confessional

A man starts his confession by telling the priest he has sinned by cursing the Lord and taking his name in vain. The priest, who is Irish, asks, “And tell me my son, What were the grievous and calamitous circumstances that caused you to curse God and use his name in vain?” The sinner says,”Well, father, I was playing golf, and I was finishing the best round ever, when on the 18th tee my drive slices into the rough.” “And…

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