Irish man Jokes - page 3

Anything for Profit

One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five-year-olds, “I’ll give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was.” An Irish boy raised his hand and said, “Please, Miss, it was St. Patrick.” The teacher said, “Sorry, Sean, that’s not correct.” Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, “Please, Miss, it was St. Andrew.” The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Hamish, that’s not right either.” Finally,…

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3 generals

During world war 2 a Scottish general, an English general and an Irish general were captured by a German S.S. officer. They were all standing outside a concentration camp when the S.S. agent says, “Before du go in to die concentration camp , I vill give each of you vone hundert lashes , but since you have vought bravely I vill give you one vish each.” He then turns to the Scottish general and asks him, “Vhat is your vish…

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Some Old, Some New, All Bad

Q: What’s the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? A: One says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud.” The other says, “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe.” Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with…. the other is used to carry groceries. Q: How do you recycle toilet paper? A: Hang it on the wall and bash the…

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Colours

Classroom scene: The teacher walks into her fifth grade class and says: “OK children, today we will not use the textbook.” All the children were happy, especially those who didn’t get their homework done. Teacher goes on to say, “Today we will be talking about colours, and we will use our imagination to talk about colours. Can anyone tell me a story about colours?” An Irish boy raises his hand and starts “My daddy is a policeman and he wears…

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Best Emergency Room Stories

Believe Them…Or Not AUGUSTA, ME – Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick’s first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and,…

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Rest Room Signs

RESTROOM SIGNS Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men —Women’s restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE Remember, it’s not, “How high are you?” it’s “Hi, how are you?” —Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. —Men’s Room, Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina To do is to be – Descartes To be is to do – Voltaire Do be…

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The General and the Flag

This American general was invited to Ireland to review the Irish troops. His plane landed at the Dublin airport, and the general stepped off the plane. To his surprise, there stood the Irish troops along side the runway. All of them “Buck Naked”. The general said, “A bit unusual, but carry on”. The general stepped in front of the first soldier for inspection. A fine figure of a soldier: 6’6″ tall, 200 lbs, wide shoulders, narrow waist, hair all over…

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Deaf Speech

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give a speechs to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing his chest and then his groin. When he finished the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing. “Well,” he explained” By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated…

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Camouflage

There were two Irish women walking down the main street of Belfast when one said to the other, “Don’t you think all those soldiers look stupid wearing camouflage uniforms in the middle of a city?” The other woman replied, “What soldiers?”

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Cultural Differences

There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman 2 New Zealand men and 1 New…

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