Ins Jokes - page 92

4 Rabbis

One sunny summer day four rabbis are having a discussion on some part of the Torrah. Three agree on one explanation but the fourth one stands on the other. Being tired of this conversation he raises his arms and says, “God, give me a sign to prove that I’m right!” Suddenly, thunder clouds appear out of nowhere and cover the sky. The three other rabbis think for a while and say, “Nah, that’s just a coincidence” So, the rabbi raises…

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The State of the Union

THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN: “Members of Congress…people of America…I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they’re a little older than I like and they…

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Win98 Cost Accounting

Microsoft has announced that Win98 will be released with a suggested retail price of $109US. Inside sources have been able to determine the cost of each of the Win98 “features”: $1 – Disk Defragmenter Optimization Wizard $1 – Windows System Update $1 – System File Checker Utility $1 – Windows Tune-Up Wizard $1 – Dr. Watson Utility $1 – New Backup Utility $1 – New Accessibility Tools $1 – FAT32 $1 – Windows 98 HelpDesk $1 – System Troubleshooter $1…

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Trick Or Treat

Top 10 things that sound dirty but aren’t on Halloween… 10. She’s a goblin! 9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack tonight. 8. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head. 7. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch 6. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer. 5. Let me see your big sack! 4. Can I eat your Zagnuts? 3. Have your mom check it before you put…

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You have been a techie too long if . . .

You have had you tech job for too long if: 1)You know all your co-worker’s IP addresses but forget their names 2)You know co-worker’s ICQ # but havent seen them face to face in over a month 3)You send an email as URGENT rather than walking down the hall to talk to the person. 4)You would rather use your breaks to surf the web instead of getting out of your chair 5)You check your email more than 10 times an…

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Clinton

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said,” Winston Churchill.” “Congratulations said the teacher you may go home.” The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you…”…

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Taking Photos from the Air

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His…

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Spiritous Liquors

A deputation of concerned women came to Winston Churchill in order to protest his overconsumption of spiritous liquors. They said, “Mr. Churchill, if all the spirits you have drunk in your life were poured into this room, they would fill it to here.” Churchill regarded the imaginary line they had traced on the wall, and his eyes then went up to the ceiling, and he sighed, “So much to do, so little done.”

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New Lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As…

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Tailspin.. .

Cindy Crawford, Ivana Trump, and Whoopi Goldberg are on a plane. The Announcement system clicks to life and the voice of the captain rings through the cabin… “Ladies and gentilemen, I am afaraid the plane has just had a major mechanical failure, and is going to crash. There are only enough parachutes for the crew and myself, and we have already used them – – This is a recording.” Everyone on the plane begins to panic! People are yelling and…

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