Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One afternoon a doctor had an affair with one of his patients. After sending his patient home, the doctor had a little voice inside of him that kept saying, “I can’t believe you just had an affair with one of your patients. That is so wrong, and it goes against everything you stand for.” Then this other voice inside him kept saying, “Don’t worry, you’re not the first doctor to ever have an affair with a patient, and you certainly…
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Storming into his lawyer’s office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride. “What’s the problem?” “I want to hit that adulterin’ bitch for breach of contract,” snapped the oil man. “I don’t know if that will fly,” said the lawyer. “I mean your wife isn’t a piece of property. You don’t own her!” “Damn right,” the tycoon rejoined, “but I sure as hell expect exclusive drillin’ rights!”
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The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal…
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Actress Judy Holliday once found herself being chased around the room by a lecherous studio head. Unperturbed, she put her hand inside her dress and pulled out her falsies. “Here,” she said, handing them to her dumbfounded pursuer, “I think this is what you want.”
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A certain doctor was making his daily rounds at the hospital. The nurse on duty came up to him with a patient’s file and said, “Doctor, when you changed this patient’s medication, you forgot to sign her file.” The doctor reached behind his ear to retrieve his pen so he could sign the form, but was surprised to find a rectal thermometer there instead. “Shit!” cried the doctor. “Some asshole has my pen!”
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These are actual excuse notes teachers have received; spelling mistakes included. “My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.” “Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.” “Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.” “Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.” “Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out…
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1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahhhh, it’s cute. 3. Why don’t we just cuddle? 4. You know they have surgery to fix that. 5. Make it dance. 6. Can I paint a smiley face on it? 7. Wow, and your feet are so big. 8. It’s OK, we’ll work around it. 9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 10. Oh no…. a flash headache. 11. (giggle and point) 12. Can I be honest with you? 13.…
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1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 5. Great groups from little icons grow. 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 7. C:\is the root of all directories. 8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page. 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.…
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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce after several years of marriage. When they are standing before the divorce court, the presiding judge gives his ruling on Mickey Mouse’s divorce petition. The judge says, “Mr. Mouse, I’m afraid I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie Mouse.” “What? How come, your Honor?” asks a surprised Mickey Mouse. “Well, there is nothing in your petition for divorce to support your claims that Mrs. Mouse is crazy.” explains the judge.…
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“What seems to be the problem, Miss Appleby?” inquired the doctor. “Look at my ears, doc. They’re both burnt.” “My lord, how did that happen?” “I was ironing when the phone rang, but I mistakenly put my ear to the iron instead of the phone.” “How awful, but what about the other ear?” “The bastard called back.”
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