Ing Jokes - page 59

Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship again. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, “Pardon me, ma’am, but may I sit here with you?” The silver-haired Marcie…

(0)
Loading...

A worker on a construction site of a high rise building climbed all the way to the top of the building before realizing that he needed a second pair of hands to accomplish the task he had in mind. Not wanting to climb all the way back down, and also realizing that no one would hear him if he yelled, he signaled to the foreman on the ground. He pointed first to himself, then his knee, and then the foreman,…

(0)
Loading...

Things you shouldn’t say to a cop Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job! That uniform makes your ass look really big. Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated? I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. You don’t happen…

(1)Loading...

An Army Ranger Instructor was training a new class of recruits in the field. They finished the day of exercises by a river and camped for the night. The next morning the instructor woke up and went to the river to relieve himself. While doing his business an alligator came out of the water and snapped its mouth down on the instructor’s penis. Finding himself in intense pain, he wanted to scream, but did not want to show any sings…

(1)Loading...

By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded, “or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m…

(1)Loading...

You light your bed on fire and fight your brother in it. Your teacher gives you detention, so you give him a Stone Cold Stunner and walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers. You leapfrog over people while playing football, then you turn around and clothesline them. You publish a shirt that says ‘Jay Leno 1-0 Who’s Next.’ Every time you sit down at a table you consider how easily it might break if you were to moonsault onto…

(0)
Loading...

My son, Kenny, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning, while getting ready for the day, Kenny bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. “Look what I spelled, Mom!” Kenny exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. “That’s wonderful!” I praised him. “Now go put them on the fridge so Daddy can see…

(0)
Loading...