Ing Jokes - page 50

Walking on Water

Jerry had heard a family rumor that his father, grandfather and even his great-grandfather had all “walked on water” on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, he and his good friend, Brian, headed out to the lake. “If THEY could do it, so can I!” Jerry told Brian. Jerry and Brian arrived at the lake and rented a boat. They paddled out to the middle. Jerry stepped off the side of the boat…and almost drowned! Furious, he had…

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Playing Through

Two men, being best friends, decided to play a round of golf. About halfway through the course, they discovered that they were constantly having to wait for the two women who were playing the hole ahead of them. Finally, the first man says to the second, “I’ll go and ask if we can play through.” His friend agrees, and off he goes. Suddenly, he stops short, pauses, turns and hurries back. “What’s wrong?” inquires his friend. “I can’t ask if…

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Considering All Possibilities

Dancer Isadora Duncan once suggested to Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw that eugenics indicated they should have a child together. “Think of it! With my body and your brains, what a wonder it would be,” she said. Shaw replied, “Yes, but what if it had my body and your brains?”

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Those Daring Norwegians

Sven and and his wife, Ola, a couple of Norwegians, now living in Minnesota, head for the fair in Duluth. The first thing to catch Sven’s eye is the big double ferris wheel. “Oh, Ole,” he says, “vould you look at dat! I’ve always vanted to go on von of dose big ferris veels. Let’s go ride on dat von.” Ole, not being as adventurous as her husband, Sven, says, “Oh, I don’t tink so. Dat looks kind of dangerous…

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First Aid Training

“How come you’re late?” asks the boss as John Swiftless comes walking through the door, about a half hour late for his shift at the plant. “It was awful!” John explains. “I was walking down Oak Street, and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he’d been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that First-Aid course! All…

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Weathering the Storm

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he’d been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application…

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Sage Advice on Winning the Man of Your Dreams

Sage Advice on Winning the Man of Your Dreams Many women are under the impression that if they are attractive, conscientious and treat a guy really well, they have a chance of winning their guy. But let’s be honest: has this ever really worked for you? Probably not. There’s a much more effective method. It may seem insane, but it works! To capture the man of your dreams, this is what you must do: 1) Act like you really, really…

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Think of Nothing But Sex

Mrs. Goldstein, somewhat advanced in years, had finally been persuaded to consult a psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist, viewing her ruefully, said, “Mrs. Goldstein, with your permission I will try an experiment with you. It may serve to advance us more rapidly. I am going to have you lie here on the couch for half an hour, and during that period of time I want you to think of nothing but sex. Do you understand me? Just think…

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suspecting

A man suspects his wife is having an afair. He calls the house and a strange woman answered the phone. “Who is this?” asks the man, “The maid” she replies. “We don’t have one.” “I was hired this mornining sir.” “ok then” says the man” Where is my wife please?” “upstairs with the man who I thought was her husband.” “I’ll tell you what” says the frustrsted man” I’ll give you $1000 if you get my gun from my desk…

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