Ing Jokes - page 427

New Balls

He’d been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment but his technique never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. “Why don’t you use an old ball?” his friend asked. “I’ve never had an old…

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Blonde to the Rescue

A blonde was cooking in her kitchen one morning and she started a grease fire (big surprise!) so she called 911 (after looking up the number of course). She finally reached the fire department and said, “Help! I have a fire, please come quickly!” The fireman responded, “Ma’am, how do we get there?” The blonde responded, “Big red truck, DUH!”

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5 yo ugly mama jokes

Yo mama’s so ugly she is Pentagon’s secret weapon. Yo mama is so ugly her photograph was Dr.Kevorkian’s favourite tool. Yo mama is so ugly CIA uses her picture to make Russian spies speak. Yo mama is so ugly that when Fox Mulder saw her he said “I knew they were here!” Yo mama is so ugly that plan B in “Armageddon” was to make the asteroid turn by launching her picture into the orbit.

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Old Geezer

An old geezer and his wife are out driving, when a police officer pulls him over. “What seems to be the trouble, young man?” asks the geezer. “Excuse me, Sir,” says the officer, “but didn’t you notice that your wife fell out of the car back there?” “Why, naw, I didn’t, Son. Thanks for telling me. I just thought I suddenly went deaf!”

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Funny E-mail Addresses

When creating email addresses, many colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and middle initial to either the beginning or end. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may occur when there is a large and diverse pool of accounts. Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses. TOP TEN…

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Wait for them

A very elderly couple went to see a lawyer. They were ushered gently into the lawyer’s inner office, and sat across the desk from the attorney who was studying the couple’s papers. He looked up after a moment. “How can I help you today, Mr. and Mrs. Watson?” The woman piped up in a thin, reedy voice. “We’ve come to get your help in filing for a divorce.” “A divorce?” The lawyer was stunned. “If you don’t mind my asking,…

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Adam & Eve

One day Adam & Eve were making love in the Garden of Eden. After they were finished, Adam was relaxing when God came into the garden. He sat beside Adam & they talked for awhile. Adam said, “You know, God, Eve & I just finished making love, and I want to tell you how great it is! I think sex is the best thing you’ve given us!” God replies, “That’s wonderful Adam. I’m glad you like it so much. By…

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your momma

your momma so black the only difference between her and midnight is 11:59 your momma so black she gotta wear white gloves when eating tootsie rolls, so she wont chew her damn fingers off

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The Barber

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, “You do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, “You protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came…

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