Ing Jokes - page 334

Another Dumb Polish Joke

During his last visit to the United States, Pope John Paul II was interviewed by Barbara Walters for one of her TV specials. In the interview, Ms. Walters asked the Pope if he had any pet peeves. The Pope nodded and said, “I have two.” “Can you tell us what they are?” asked Ms. Walters. “Certainly,” said the Pope. “The first would be those stupid Polish jokes. These jokes are really demeaning and insulting to us Poles. We are portrayed…

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Dental Standoff

A woman goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, “Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates.” The woman replies, “Yes. And we’re both going to be real careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we?”

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Two Ropes

Two ropes are walking down the street and see a bar. So the first rope goes into the bar, sits down at a stool, and orders something to drink. The bartender growls, “Are you one of dem ropes?” And the rope replies,”Well, yes, I am.” The bartender yells, “Well, we don’t serve your kind!” And he twirls up the rope and throws him out onto the street. The second rope gets pretty worried and thinks, “I better disguise myself.” So…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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Trick doggie style

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two. “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” “Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she’s most likely to roll over and play dead.”

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Avid Golfer

A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over. “It’s only fair to warn you, Linda,” he said. “I’m a golf nut. I live…eat…sleep…and breathe golf.” “Well,…” Linda said, “Since you’re being honest, so will I. You see, I’m a hooker.” “I see,” he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said…”It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

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Where’s God?

Two little boys live in a small town and whenever there’s trouble the local folks know these two boys done it. So finally the parents had enough and decided to talk to the preacher. “Preacher, what can we do?” the mother asked. The preacher asked to send him the youngest of the 2. They did so. The preacher asked the young boy, “Where’s God?” The little boy didn’t know. “One more time, boy, WHERES GOD?” Well the boy was so…

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Take it to the river

A Boston preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great enthusiasm he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” With even greater enthusiasm he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the pornography in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”…

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Most Useful Word in English

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word “fuck.” Out of all the English words that begin with the letter “F”, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the “f” word. It’s one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German — the word ‘flicken’ which means to strike. In English fuck…

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