Ing Jokes - page 211

Polish Virginity Test

Two Polish guys are discussing one of the guy’s upcoming wedding . . . “I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not,” he said. His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one of your balls red and the other blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says, ‘Those are the funniest balls I’ve ever seen!’ you hit…

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robber and Jesus

One evening a guy broke into a house and began to burglarize it. He started to unhook the t.v when he heard “Jesus is watching you.” He looked around and no one was there. He started to unhook the stero and again heard “Jesus is watching you.” When he turned the corner he saw a parrot. He asked, “Are you the one saying Jesus is watching you?” The parrot answered “yes.” Then he asked the parrot what his name was,…

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An Impatient Customer

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his…

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The Black Eye

A guy boards his plane for Pittsburg and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes. Do you mind if I ask you how you got yours?” The other guy replies, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest breasts…

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paid to be good

A preacher was speaking to his congregation one Sunday. He was commenting that members of his congregation were patting him on the back and saying how good he was. He told them that he has to be good, he gets PAID for being good. Then he pointed to his audience and said, “But you all are good for nothing.”

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Have another beer

A Polack began hitting on a rather attractive broad in the local bar. After a few drinks, he asked her, “So, how would you like to come back to my place for a party?” “Well,” she said, “It’s only fair to tell you that I am a lesbian.” “Oh really!” he replied in his most charming tone. “How are things over there in Beirut, anyway?”

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Farmer Dan

Farmer Dan buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for bacon, ham, etc… After a few weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and he calls the vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest clue as to what this means, but not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs became pregnant. The vet…

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Investors needed

The man was soliciting investors for a new type of tampon he was planning on marketing… He assured all prospective buyers that the investment was risk free… When asked how…the man replies there were “No Strings Attached…”

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You worry for me

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now, he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.” “Excuse me?” the accountant said. “I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry…

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