Ing Jokes - page 210

Mommy, Mommy! Jokes

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn’t eat? Shut up and eat your meat loaf. Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? Shut up, we haven’t even finished your Grandmother yet. Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sisters guts. Shut up and eat what’s put in front of you. Mommy, Mommy! What’s an Oedipus complex? Shut up and kiss me! Mommy, Mommy! What’s for dinner? Shut up and get back in the…

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From the Mouths of Babes

There was a family who NEVER cussed or used bad words. One day the mother went to the butcher shop to get something for dinner. The butcher recognized her and greeted her. “Hi Mrs. Jones, have I got something for you! This new imported ham arrived yesterday and boy is this Dam ham delicious!” Mrs. Jones gasped and replied, “Mr. Smith, why I’m shocked at your language!” “No, you don’t understand,” the butcher replied, THAT’S the name of this ham,…

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Nunsense

Sister Margaret and Sister Catherine went for a walk late one afternoon. They lost track of the time and finally realized that if they didn’t hurry back to the convent, they would be late for evening prayers. It was getting dark and in order to save time, they decided to take a short cut through the park, even though they were aware of the dangers of being in the park at night. They were hurrying through the park when all…

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Mayonnaise

This is the of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 5 or 6. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunkbeds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top. As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy,…

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Blonde Punctuation

A teacher writes the following on the board and asks this blonde to punctuate it: fun fun fun worry worry worry This is what she wrote: “fun PERIOD fun PERIOD fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!!”

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Y2K Problem SOLVED!

Y-to-K Date Change Project Status “Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the “Y-to-K” date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data…

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Education Jargon

An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for purchasing “behavior modification reinforcers.” Her superior saw the item and asked, “What on earth is that?” “Lollipops,” the teacher explained.

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Silent Alarms

When my economics professor had an alarm installed in his house, he insisted they leave him warning stickers for every window. Ever the thinker, he recouped half the cost of the alarm system by selling the stickers.

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Two More on the Way!

Already the mother of two rambunctious boys, a pregnant woman was not looking forward to having a third child to look after. Her husband, however, was thrilled when the doctor announced they were going to have twins this time. He told his wife that she should start thinking of names. “Well, let’s see,” she said. “We already have Adolph and Rudolph. How about Getoff and Stayoff?”

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The Customer is Always Right

A customer was continually bothering a waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot. Then he asked for it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walked back and forth and never once got angry. So, finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t just throw out the pest. “Oh, I don’t care,…

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