Ing Jokes - page 157

Lookie Here!

An old golfer was starting to have a very hard time during his game. Since he was 85, it was not unusual that his eyesight was not what it used to be. He would drive the ball quite well, but even though he wore eyeglasses he could not see where the ball would go. Hoping to solve the problem, he asked his older brother, who still had excellent eyesight, for some help. So they both went out on the course…

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Conscientious Student

On my first day of classes at Ballstate University in Muncie, Indiana, I took a front row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began . . . Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook . . . I was working feverishly to…

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Blonde on the move…

A blonde whent to a paper company and ordered a roll of paper 1/2 inch wide and 50 feet long. The paper salesman asked the blonde, “Why do you need a paper that size?” The blonde replied, “I am moving and I need to pack my clothes line.”

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Two Priests

Two Priests died and met at the Pearly Gates at the same time. The computer was down, so St. Peter asked them if they would hang out on earth for a week as anything they wanted. They both agreed. The first priest asked to be an eagle for a week. “So be it,” said St. Peter and off the priest went. The second priest asked to if he could be a “Stud” for a week, and St. Peter once again…

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Men

What do men and parking spaces have in common? The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicap.

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His Fondest Wish

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is at the entrance. A cat shows up. St Peter says “I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn’t cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted.” Cat: “Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my master had, so I could lie on it.” St Peter: “That’s easy. Granted.…

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Positively not

Once a teacher walks into class and says, “Today we are going to be talking about meanings of positive and negative words together in different languages.” So he says, “For example, you can put a negative and a negative together in Russian and it will mean a negative. The same can be done in English, or you can put a positive and a negative and mean a negative like ‘of course not’.” Then the professor remarked, “But never can you…

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Clinton in hell

PRESIDENT CLINTON DIED AND WENT TO HELL. AT THE GATE HE WAS MET BY THE DEVIL. THE DEVIL SAID, “YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES ON HOW YOU WILL SPEND ETERNITY. THE FIRST BEING YOU CAN RULE YOUR OWN WORLD. THE SECOND IS YOU CAN BE THE ONLY MAN IN A WORLD OF WOMEN.” THINKING OUT LOUD, PRESIDENT CLINTON SAID, “WELL I RULED THE WORLD AS PRESIDENT, BUT EVERY TIME I TRIED TO GET A PIECE OF ASS, KEN STARR HAD TO…

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Read JokeClinton in hell