I don t care Jokes - page 6

X-FILE CASE #1224 ================ 57 ELM STREET BETHLEHEM, PA. 11:51 P.M., DECEMBER 24TH Mulder: Scully! We’re too late! It’s already been here. Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you’re doing. Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care. Scully: You really think someone’s been here? Mulder: Someone … or something. Scully: Mulder, over here — it’s a fruitcake.…

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(sung to tune of the Macarena) by Adam Sandler ************************************* Sitting in my house, and I know that I’m alona, Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona. Go and grab a Penthouse it’s the one with Sharon Stona. Hey Masturbata!! I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea, Once ain’t quite enough so I have to do it twicea. If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea. Hey Masturbata!! I use…

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I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of…

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Young Boy to Teacher: Listen, Miss Gray, I don’t wanna scare you, but my dad said if I don’t get better grades on my next report card, somebody’s gonna be in very big trouble.

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More Things You’d Never Have Known If Not For the Movies: If you overpower a sentry or guard, his uniform will fit you perfectly. It is possible to brush your teeth without any toothpaste foam appearing on your lips. Handsome men don’t belch or fart. If you’re a team of misfits and losers, you’ll win the championship. In a large city, the streets are always wet at night. Most bathrooms do not have a toilet. All orphans can sing and…

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I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung…

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Fruitcake —————– 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 2 cup dried fruit 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 gallon whiskey Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1…

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