Hey man Jokes - page 75

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar,…

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A man at a bar gets really drunk. Some guys decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor drag him out the door. On the way to the car, he falls three times. When they to the house, they help him out of the car and he falls down four more times. They ring the bell, and one says, “Here’s your husband, missus.” The man’s wife says, “Where the hell is…

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A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. “This place” the guide told them, “is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.” “Wow!” said one woman, dryly. “They must have the same landlord I have.”

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One thing that has always bugged me is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello? AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me:…

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There was once a great actor who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally, after many years, he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk on the stage carrying a rose. Hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose. Sniff the rose deeply and then…

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Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate, having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon rubbing it to get the snow off, a genie came out. The genie says, “I am da great genie of Nordern Minnesooota and I can…

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An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to Marriott-Smalley, the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights Marriot-Smalley lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, the hunter went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night,…

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