Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
God and St. Peter go down to the golf course on a nice Sunday afternoon. As they go to tee-off, God motions for Peter to start. Peter’s a bit surprised, but he sets up and takes his shot. He hits a nice drive right onto the green. When God takes his shot, however, he doesn’t get nearly as nice a drive. A sharp hook takes the ball right into the rough. Peter asks God “What happened?” God just smiles as…
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A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life managers. Here are the Top 12 finalists: 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.) 2. What I need is a list of…
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WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN GLASGOW? Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he’d only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He’d have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Rangers top. Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would addess him as Wanky-Nobby.…
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There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…
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A local TV station sponsored a contest for young ladies who were to swim across Lake Ontario. The winner would receive a modeling contract. Three women entered…a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. The winner was the brunette who made it in twelve hours, followed closely by the redhead who came in 30 minutes later. When the blonde still hadn’t come in two hours later, they sent a boat out to pick her up. They found her exhausted and angry…
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A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says,…
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A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles. As he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all directions. After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows. When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, “Hey!…
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WELCOME TO THE E-MAIL WONDERLAND (Sing to the tune of Walking In A Winter Wonderland) Another “ping”, Are you listenin’? The puter screen, Is a glistenin’. With icons so bright, They light up the night, Welcome to the e-mail wonderland! Gone away, Are the hall talks. Here to stay, Is the IN-BOX. Flagged “urgent, please read!”, And “answer with speed!”. Welcome to the e-mail wonderland! In the morning e-mails start to add up. No lunch today cause messages abound. Just…
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After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings. “Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?” God asked. “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There’s drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it. A regular Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex.…
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A troupe of traveling actors had taken the long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Detroit where they were scheduled to perform Hamlet that night. Derek Drake, the handsome leading man, must have been sitting in a draft because when they arrived in Detroit just six hours before the Sunday night performance, he had a scratchy throat and laryngitis. Tracy Towers, the troupe’s leading lady, frantically began phoning doctors listed in the yellow pages, but all she got were answering machines.…
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