Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, “This little plane won’t lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals – you’ll have to leave one. We’d never make it over the trees on the take off.” “That’s baloney,” says one of the…
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Two people in their mid-seventies have been seeing each other socially for nearly two years. They have even traveled together but always took separate hotel rooms. One evening at dinner, old Bert says to Edna, “I been thinking, and we’re wasting a heluva lot of money. We pay rent on two apartments, insurance on two cars, two cable bills, two phones…there ain’t no end to it.” “What are you saying, Bert?” asks Edna sweetly. “Hell, we should move in together”…
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Most people don’t know that back in 1912 Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico that was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate (“desperados”) at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning…
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A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed, so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says,…
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A troupe of traveling actors had taken the long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Detroit where they were scheduled to perform Hamlet that night. Derek Drake, the handsome leading man, must have been sitting in a draft because when they arrived in Detroit just six hours before the Sunday night performance, he had a scratchy throat and laryngitis. Tracy Towers, the troupe’s leading lady, frantically began phoning doctors listed in the yellow pages, but all she got were answering machines.…
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An elderly man was walking along the beach in miamI while his wife slept late at their hotel. He came upon a bottle with a cork. He pulled the cork and lo and behold, out came an enormous genie. “Hello, genie”, said Morris. “I will grant you one wish,” said the genie, “and if I can’t grant that wish, I will grant you another one.” “Ok” said Morris. He picked up a shell and drew a map in the sand.…
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Jesus was sleeping comfortably in his bed. He heard a noise. Jesus sat up and asked, “Who goes there?” No one answered back. The noise occurred again. Jesus got up, and went toward the noise. He flicked on the lights. It was a burglar. Jesus replied, “Thief of the night, if you steal any of my shit ALL HELL will break loose!”
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A bartender is closing for the night when there’s a knock at the back door. When he answers, a dirty-looking homeless guy asks him for a toothpick. The bartender is a little surprised, but he gives him a toothpick and the guy walks away. A few minutes later, there’a a second knock at the door. When he answers, there’s another homeless guy outside who asks for a toothpick. The second man gets his toothpick, and off he goes. A few…
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I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…
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Peter was going on his first flight and he was so nervous about flying that the stewartess had to ask the pilot to talk to him to calm him down. “Look, Pete” the pilot said, “there’s really nothing to be worried about, this is the safest plane in the sky!” “Really?” Peter said with a gleam of hope in his eyes. “Yeah, so just relax, lay back, have a few drinks, get drunk and pass out, and the flight will…
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