Hard man Jokes - page 12

A Dutch friend told me the following nationalistic joke, which is portable to any in-group/out-group situation. It’s best told with some physical illustration on the part of the teller: Two Belgians are digging a deep hole while a Dutch foreman stands at the top of the hole and gives them orders. The slightly more intelligent Belgian asks, “Why are we digging while he stands up there and does nothing?” “I dunno,” says the slightly less intelligent Belgian, and climbs up…

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One night a man was walking homewards when a thief jumped on him all of a sudden. Man and the thief were caught in a terrific tussle. They rolled about on the ground, and the man put up a tremendous fight, until at last the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through the man?s pockets and searched him all over. There was only a 25-cents coin he could…

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Composer Richard Rodgers’ collaborators, Larry Hart and later Oscar Hammerstein II were first-rate lyric writers. He was often asked how they differed. It should be mentioned that Hart was a very short man, about five feet three inches; Rodgers himself was a few inches taller, and Hammerstein was over six feet tall. Said Rodgers, “When I worked with Larry and people recognized us walking together, they’d say, ‘The little fellow is okay, but watch out for the big son-of-a-bitch.’ Now,…

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This guy and his dog went to a Lions game and the security guard told the man that he couldnt bring a dog into the stadium. The guy said, “Come on man he is a die hard Lions fan!” But, the security guard insisted, “No, its against rules but theres a bar across the street you can bring the dog to watch the game.” So they went to the bar across the street. They sat down and as they were…

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A kid says to his girlfriend’s father, “Mr. Smith, there’s something I want to ask you.” Mr. Smith says, “Young man, you have my full blessing. You’ve been dating my daughter for two years now, my daughter’s happiness is all I want. You want to marry her right?” The kid says, “No, sir, that’s not it. My car payment is due, and I’m a little short until payday, and I want to know if I could borrow a hundred dollars…

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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you will forgive me.” She replies, “Sir, if your penis is as hard as…

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