Good year Jokes - page 7

Permission to Spend Money

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: “Hello?” “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” “Yes.” “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?” “What’s the price?” “Only $1,500.” “Well,…

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Unexpected Checkup

So I went in for my regular checkup. I’m 34 years old now and my doctor thought it would be a good idea to check me out down below. I was not prepared for us to get that intimate, but I agreed to a rectal exam. My doctor proceeded to probe around and the whole time I could not stop thinking, “Maybe it’s time I found a new dentist.”

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Jewish Guy Wins Irish Sweepstakes

Long ago, when the Irish Sweepstakes was the big lottery game in the U.S., a Jewish gentleman won the sweepstakes and was overwhelmed, not so much with the amount of the winnings, but with the taxes he would have to pay. So this gentleman, named Morrie, went to his tax advisor and was told the best thing he could do would be to go to Ireland, live there for a year, establish residence and collect the entire sum, tax-free. Morrie…

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Santa’s Really Bitter

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the…

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Numerous Blonde Q&A

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using a computer? A. The joystick is wet. Q. What do a screen door and a blonde have in common? A. The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass? A. A brain tumor. Q. What is a blondes cheer? A. “I’m blonde, I’m blonde, I’m B.L.O.N…. oh well, I’m blonde, I’m blonde, yea, yea, yea! Q. Why do…

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Funny epitaphs

These epitaphs were taken from actual tombstones: On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: “Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young.” In a London, England cemetery: “Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid, But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767” In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: “The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.”…

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Guyness Quiz

Guyness Quiz Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a.…

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Free Heaven

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.…

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Top 25 things a wife will NOT say

Top 25 Things A Wife Will Not Say: 1. I’ll swallow it all……..I love the taste. 2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink? 3. I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy. 4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies? 5. That was a great fart! Do another one! 6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. 7. You’re so sexy when your hungover. 8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than…

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After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to get it up anymore. He goes to his doctor, his doctor tries a few things out, but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him, “This is all in your mind,” and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, “I am at a loss as to how you could possibly cured.” Finally the psychiatrist refers him to…

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